inbetween

Before you READ!

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dear diary,

i am so happy, i am moving! far away from this place called new jersey. yeah its not like any regular move, my dad's job didnt get transfered or anything! and i know that it seems really weird to be happy about moving away from the place that you were born and all of your friends, but i am wanting to so i can start fresh. my school is so full of drama and terrible people. my friends are nice, but they would rather hang out with there boyfriends. speaking of boyfriends, i thought i had one, but i didnt. i found out that he was cheating on my with my best friend taylor! so typical right? well, the only reason i would actually be sad about moving is because i had to leave taylor, but since she was with my boyfriend when i was...i dont really care about missing her. she is just a regular backstabber of a bestfriend. anyways enough about that. some of the good things i am looking forward to is that i will have new friends, maybe a boyfriend, less drama, nice school and neighborhood. i really hope we get a place where we have this big patio where i could go out and paint the trees,flowers,and all the beauty that nature has to honor! i am super excited about school, because mom gave me some pamphlets on some of the schools in the area were we are going to be moving. they have a really good academic level. strange that i care so much about school right? well one reason is because i want to get into a great college, and when i graduate life will be so much easier because i will have a good education for a good job, so good job--happy life. my dad is really happy about moving because he wants a new better job. my mom wants to try to go back to college so she can get a good job and education. well i have to go so i can start putting my whole room in boxes. i cant wait, because in three days i get to find out what house and neighborhood we are moving to.

Chapter. 2
dear diary,

i havent written in about a week because i have been helping pack up all the boxes <3 but i have great news! we are moving to the state of oregon! i cant believe it, that is all the way across the country from where i am right now! we are supposed to be leaving friday(last day at my old school was thursday) and should be getting there sometime late thursday. and by the time we get there the people that my dad hired have re-done the whole house! so i cant wait until i see my room. we arent taking a plane to get to oregon, either, we are driving! thats why it will be taking so long to get there. i drank six cups of coffee so i can stay up all night counting down. haha, my friends were sort of sad when i gave them the news and taylor almost cried. she gave me a charm bracelet, which had five charms on it and there was a house, which is my current house in new jersey. there was a tennis shoe, for the memories in gym class where we had laughed everyday because someone always played a prank on coach dean. the next charm was a jeweled moon, when we went camping and stayed up all night, then a soccer ball, because i loved to play soccer, and last but not least a knife, for being such a backstabber, she said. i know i said that i wouldnt miss her, but now i kind of will. well it is almost 2 in the morning and i dont have school, so i am going to watch some television because my hand is sore.

..........................................

i just woke up about two hours ago, it is now 5 in the morning and i took my shower at 4 this morning <3 so we are leaving at six and i will write more when we are on the road.



chapter 3

dear diary,

hmm ok so we are getting ready to leave. im kind of getting to the point of saying do i really wanna move? but i know that its just something in my head holding me back from believing what's true. i ran back up stairs to my room to take one last look. it was really empty. seemed kind of strange because it never was like this before. well i take a deep breath and walk back down stairs. i grabbed my purse smiling at my mom and we walked out the door. getting into the jeep, i pulled out my ipod trying to pass the time away. it took about 5 days to get there. we stopped at a couple of hotels along the way. mom and dad were very tired and so was i. so im going to get to the point right now we are about an hour away from the house!

ok so driving down the road in the neighborhood, i look out the car window and smile at how beautiful the neighborhood is and that i am actually going to be living here! ana, we almost there, my mom said looking back at me. i smiled, then something happened...dad was slowing down to turn to the driveway. i seen two houses, one a sort of small house and the other a huge house. i knew the reason my smile wasnt there anymore because i knew the small house was ours. aww, i moaned. whats wrong hunny? my dad asked. is this were we are going to live? i asked. no no! ana, we live up thr road from here. my mom said. then why was dad slowing down? i asked. ana there was a stop sign, my mom said giggling. i giggled at myself thinking how stupid i was not to pay attention that it was a stop sign. we finally drove into the driveway of this ungodly huge house! my eyes grew big and jumped out before my dad completly stopped the jeep, ok i ran up to the yard, it was big, very big. there was lots of flowers and all that neat stuff. i walked up to the door, it was a solid white door with a little arched fancy looking window, with a gold door knocker. i opened the door and a big smile swept across my face. there was a little place where i was standing with a coat rack. then there was the living room on the right, it had a very nice beige couch and white curtins hanging on the windows. a flat screen t.v too! then i walked past the small coffee table through the arched door way. it was a nice sitting room, with a small couch, fireplace, and another flat screen t.v. then i went into the huge kitchen, which had a big black marble bar in the middle of it. and black marble counters around the walls. then i went through another arched door way, which led to the dining room. which withheld a huge chandaleir. after admiring the downstairs i decided to check out the upstairs. i walked through through onward to the upstairs? nope it was another room. it was small with a few paintings on the wall....then i seen three small steps in that room leading into another room. omg omg! it was a bookroom, with glass bookcases surrounding each wall except the one wall with the fireplace, and a recliner in the middle.. i figured thats where i would be when i wanted to relax. ok so in the bookroom was a carpeted staircase,not spiral but winding a bit. i have always loved those! there were six rooms up there! when i got up the steps, there was a hallway leading to a few of the rooms. i opened up the first room. it was a pretty good sized bedroom with a nice bed and shelf. guest bedroom i was thinking. next room was a master bathroom. it was very nice, it had a jucuzzi in it <3 then the next room was the master bedroom, definatley my parents room. then another room with three huge arched windows and a big closet. another bathroom across the hall. opening up the door before the last, i seemed surprised that i hadnt found my room yet, or had i? then i took a deep breath slowly opening up the door. it was the hugest bedroom of them all! and it was mine! mom and dad said that they would have my room decorated before anything else so i was interested to see what it witheld. omg! my bed was one of them that hangs from the ceiling! it was gorgeous bed with white and red fuzzy pillows and a red silky comforter. then my freaky cool dresser that sparkly jewels at the top. then i seen i small doorway i walked through it and said no freaking way! it had a red velvet couch, white carpet, three long arched windows, glass bookcase, and a huge flat screen t.v! i couldnt belive what i was seeing! there was even a balcony that over look our pool. wait we have a big patio and pool?! how awesome. my parents finally found me and they smiled and said glad you like it ana <3


chapter. 4

dear diary,

today is the day that i get to go to my new school. i cant wait! im trying to write and put eyeliner on and its not working out so great, arg. so i am going to orgeon pacific acadamy. it was in one of the pamphlets and this school seemed like the one i would want to go to. we have to wear uniforms though. they arent ugly, ther're kind of cute. there navy blue and white with a plaid skirt and i love plaid so its pretty much a win-win situation. anyways i am now straightening my hair and trying to write and that is also not working out either. i will write more when i get to the school.

we pulled up to the school, it was huge and i smiled. i liked it so far, and i also like the coffee stand that they had on campus. so i waved goodbye to dad and walked toward the stand and ordered a vanilla frapachino. this girl walked up behind me and said hi, and i said hi back. she asked me if i was new here and i said yes. she said that she was new here also about three months ago. she said her name was trish and told her that i was ana, then she came with me to get my schedule. trish seemed nice, but im not making a decsion just yet, i want to get to know her first. my classes were:
-civics
-physical science
-health & gym class
-algebra 2
-keyboarding.
trish had all the same classes as me except instead of algebra 2, she was in algebra 1. i met another girl named heather, she seemed really nice but she had been here for almost two years now. she seemed to like me and i liked her. trish did to. so on my first day i met to nice people(as of right now) and their coffee is killer <3 now it was almost time for class do me and trish hurried on so we wouldnt be late. all of the classes were really good, surprisingly even keyboarding. lunch was wonderful, because it was outside at these nice tables. trish, heather, and me all sat together and then some girls were looking and giggling. then they walked over to where we were. i flashed a small smile. one of the girls said that they thought my bracelet was cute, and her name was amanda. after awhile we were all sitting at the table laughing and talking about how we all ended up here at oregon pacific acadamy. i invited trish to come to my house after school, and heather and amanda tagged along also. when we got to the house i introduced them to my parents. they smiled and we went on up to my room. heather loved my bed, trish loved the colors, and amanda loved the balcony. they all spotted the pool, and i knew what they were thinking. so i smiled and said lets go. i had a few extra suits so they wore them and i wore my red one of course. trish said that she was glad to be my friend, i asked her was because of all my stuff and she said no it was because i was nice. heather and amanda agreed. wer slid down the water slide alot and then when it started cooling down i asked dad if he could grill us some burgers for dinner and he said, that we were going to have shrimp scampi instead. i said yum and so did the girls, and we all went upstairs to change. after we ate they all went home and thanked my parents for dinner and me for inviting them over. i was really happy that the first day was great. i could tell it was the beginning of something great...or was it?

chapter.5

GIVE KUDOS <3

dear diary,

amanda invited me to her sweet sixteen bash, tomorrow night at the teen's club at 9pm to 12am. mom and dad said i could go as long as i was on my best behavior. i smiled at them and gave mom a hug and said thanks then ran upstairs. i am wearing my red silky, shiny, glittery shirt that reveals my back, with my silver heels and a small jeweled star clip. amanda's boyfriend jonah is also riding with us. i called heather she said she and trish were riding with us to. so yeah tomorrow is going to be great. im going to sleep now after i read a few chapters of my book. hey i may be a rich bitch but i still enjoy books and art <3

ughh, i just woke up from a phonecall from amanda telling me to get ready that me, her and heather were going to have a girls day out. i asked about trish and she said that trish couldnt come with us because she was shopping for an outfit. well i better get ready, i am going to wear (click "this") THIS. by the time i finished putting make-up on amanda drove in the driveway. ana! ana! get down here my mom called from downstairs. i grabbed by purse and jumped in the red corvet that she got from her parents. sliding my versace sunglasses on i asked amanda what we were going to do. she said first we were going to buy new cellphones and she was paying. i was wondering why we needed new phones, but i was like what the hell she's buying. ok so i bought a cell phones,a new bikini, and a got my nails done for tonight. afterwards we rode back to amanda's house. i loved her house, it was pretty big and her mom was a sweerheart. we went up to her room and listened to music. the doorbell rang, it was her boyfriend. i went down to get the door and he had roses. he smiled and said you must be ana. i said yeah and you must be jonah. he asked where amanda was and i said upstairs. he came in and we sat on the couch. i asked him how long him and amanda had been going out, and he said about three months. i smiled and thats when he said i was cute and gave me a kiss on the cheek. diary, my heart jumped up to my throat! he got up and said amanda is upstairs right? i was stuttering uh-um-yeah! i said, lets go :) we walked to her room and he gave her the rose and told her happy birthday and kissed her forehead. gosh, he was amazingly hot. okay so about time for the party, amanda dropped me off and i said hi mom and ran upstairs and took a shower. i dont know but i liked her boyfriend, he was nice and hot <3 after i got out my cell rang and it was trish, she said that amanda and heather were already there and so was jonah. i put my make-up on, straightened my hair, slipped on my shoes and went back downstairs. mom told me to be careful and i told her i would. as we all were walked through the door, amanda and jonah were madly making out. i laughed and so did trish. i figured this would be there special night. very strangly i sensed an urge of jealousy, i didnt like that feeling at all. me and heather walked over to the dance floor and challenged some other girls to a dance off. i won the first time and the other girl won the second time. poor heather cant dance. the remade song of "i will survive" by cake started to play(the cooler version) jonah asked amanda if he could dance with me, she gave him permission and i was happy. we danced to a couple of songs and the last one that we danced to was way to sexual so i stopped and told him that he should dance with amanda on this song, but i didnt want to. so it was 10:45 and jonah came back over to me, i smiled and asked him what he needed. he said that amanda had to drive back to her house to get something and he wanted me to follow him. i didnt find any need to worry so i followed him. we were in the upstairs part of the club where it was so much quieter. he pushed my hair out of my face and gave me a small kiss. we started making out. i was so pulled in by the romance i couldnt stop! i knew it was wrong, but i couldnt resist. he untied the back of my shirt and i unbuttoned his. we were on the floor and almost naked. i wasnt nervous, because this is what i wanted. how could this be happening?! this is amanda's boyfriend i thought to myself. now i know how taylor felt when she was with my boyfriend. i couldnt do the same thing to amanda that taylor had done to me. it was to late. we were both laying there with some sort of blanket over us and he had his arm around me. i turned over to him and kissed him. he looked at me and smiled. i asked him how we could do this to amanda. he said dont worry. i hardly even knew him and i slept with him! how could i be such a bitch. we went back downstairs to club. the music had stopped and some people had tears in there eyes. trish came over to me and said, ana, i know this is going to be hard but amanda was in a crash tonight and they cant find her body. i broke down into jonah's arms. i screamed. what the fuck was wrong with me? i slept with my bestfriend's boyfriend and she may be dead!


chapter 6

dear diary,

they found amanda. she was hurt pretty bad. me and jonah went to the hospital together, and heather rode with trish. she smiled when she seen me. i wanted to cry, i still cant forgive myself. its not fair amanda didnt do anything and she will be the one to get hurt, i can try to hide it for now but eventually the truth will come out. jonah wants to see me, but im not sure if i want to see him. that damn bastard, he has no heart, but i think i may be in love with him! i dont know what im saying. how could i? how could i hurt someone so badly and still keep hurting them? i really need to talk to amanda about all this. after we finished visiting her, heather asked me if i wanted to spend the night. i called mom and told her what happened, and she said i could, but i needed to drop by the house to get a few things. jonah drove me and i told heather i would be there in about 20 minutes. when i walked in the door i said hi to mom and dad and introduced jonah to them as amanda's boyfriend and that he just gave me a ride to my house. they smiled and said hi and we went upstairs. i wanted to put something more comfy on, so i did, with jonah in the room. we went into the second part of my room. first i locked my bedroom door. i felt like i knew what was going to happen. gosh im such a slut. we started kissing. how could i do this?! my parents are downstairs! that didnt stop us, the thrill is what kept us going. im a 15 year old backstabbing slut. he pulled off my shirt and by the time i got to his belt i told him we should stop. he was okay with it, because he knew he would get more and i was okay with that! i grabbed a hoodie, some pajama bottoms and mom yelled that heather was downstairs! wtf?! why was she here? i quickly unlocked my door put my shirt back on and so did jonah. heather came up to my room and when she seen jonah she was surprised. i told her that he was helping me with my bags. i was so nervous. i had to stop what i was doing. i rode back with heather and jonah drove behind us. this is what i told heather. heather, yeah? she said. if i tell you something will you never tell anyone? i asked. she said yeah i promise, i know you slept with jonah. she said. i was really surprised, how did she know? heather, how did you know? i asked. she said that she knew because she had went to the upstairs part of the club to get something and she walked in on us. but she was quiet about it. i asked her if she hated me. she said no,because it had happened to her once. i asked her about amanda. she said that amanda couldnt find out, or i might as well commit suicide. that right there made me scared. so scared that my face looked like i had seen a ghost. she said she would keep my secret as long as i kept hers. when we got to her house she had her boyfriend there and her parents werent there, so me and jonah and her and her boyfriend went upstairs. me and jonah went into the guest bedroom, it was huge, it had a big white bed with a fuzzy comforter. of course jonah started kissing me passionatly and i did the same. we slept together again, but this time i felt something, he said he did to. he smiled and we kissed once more. i felt safe in his arms like nothing could hurt me, but i was already hurting myself. in the morning he gave me a kiss and we went down to the pool. me, heather, and jonah had a fun time in the pool. we felt like we were kids again. so here i am 15 and already having sex. i knew i was hurting amanda, but i loved jonah and i wasnt going to let her get in the way. how could i say that though? im still not sure but whatever happens, happens and if its for the worst well then thats my fault.

chapter.7

dear diary,

you wont believe what has happened in the past three weeks. i havent written in so long so i am going to detail it all. ok the night i slept with jonah and went home i told my mom, she wasnt really upset at all. she said all girls go through that and she was surprisingly...okay with that. amanda got out of the hospital three days later after that night. everything at school was fine. when jonah came around he would make-out with her alot when i was with her. he stared me in the eye. i ran to the girls bathroom and cried. heather and trish came in there to see what was wrong with me, but heather already knew. amanda would often check up on me to see what was wrong, but she didnt have a clue. me and jonah, still stayed together, but no more sex since that night. on the days amanda wasnt there, we would hold hands and make-out by the lockers. i was beginning to feel what love was. the sex i had with him wasnt real i mean as real as couples on their honeymoon. he called me often at night on my cell. once he even came and climbed up to my balcony. thank god thats when my parents werent home. we passionalty made-out and it went further. this time it was real, he felt the passion between us and so did i. he said he loved me and i was speechless. we continued kissing. he also made me happy, he said he was going to break up with amanda and tell her everything. i was afraid of what was going to happen, but heather already had my side and so did trish. jonah on the other hand, im wasnt sure but i know he wants to be with me. the nights amanda called he would be there, and when i would hang up i would cry, but it was all coming to an end with her. i cried just thinking about her being hurt so badly. one day something happened. jonah kissed me out by the lunch tables and amanda saw us. she walked over there and smacked me and i fell to the ground crying. she said fucking bitch! stay the hell away from my boyfriend! and she looked at jonah and said how could you? i asked amanda(awhile back) if she had ever slept with jonah before and she said no, because she didnt want to ruin a good relationship so i knew she was hurt. i was hurting and i could have prevented it but..i didnt. heather came over to where we were and comforted amanda. she looked at me with sorrow but i went along with it. the next few days were hell. rumors were spreading. i deserved that and so did jonah. jonah made out with me in the hallways more and more. i pushed him away sometimes because of poor amanda. she started cutting herself. jonah went to her house one night, she was bleeding on the bathroom floor. she said that she would rather die than to have help from him. after i heard what happened, i took a bunch of pills. i ended up in the hospital. since i was 15 and was having problems with drugs as they called it, but it was only once, and sex, i was sent to rehab. i got out a week ago and jonah still loves me. he is forbidden to step foot in my house or my dad will call the police, but he sneaks in from my balcony and thats where we spend passtionate nights together. amanda called me and she was crying. i asked her what was wrong. she said she forgave me. and i dont know how that was possible but she did. she also said jonah came over and told her that he never loved her and was just pretending and that he slept with me. i told her i was sorry for being such a slut. she said that love hurts, and it burns you like a flame when its hot. thats when she hung up. i knew what she was going to do so i told my mom and dad. we called the fire department. i went to jonahs house and unsurprisingly she tried to burn it down. jonah screamed and called her a crazy bitch, but that didnt stop her. she was arrested for attempted arson, but only for three nights, then she was let out on parol. i took a shower, and put on a blue shirt with tight black jeans and called jonah. we went to see a movie. then we decided to drop by amanda's house. we knocked on the door, it was open, and we went in. amanda? amanda!? i screamed. the house was like a ghost town. once more i screamed, amanda!! ......no answer.

chapter.8

dear diary,

amanda had cut herself again, so we ended up in the hospital. im not so sure about jonah anymore. he is pretty much a manwhore but what does that make me? some kind of saint. i was willing to give him one more chance, if we dont have sex, but i dont know. i like him and have feelings for him but then again he is a complete jerk. right now i need to try to figure out my life. you know, sort things out. so i may break it off with jonah for awhile and see how things go, because since he came into my life it hasnt been anything but uber hell. so maybe when i go to trish's party tonight, maybe i will have actual fun with my friends. so i am going to take a shower.

okay so i am going to wear a green top, low-rise faded black jeans, and the cutest sandals with a jeweled butterfly between the toe and with my hair in pulled up curls. mom and dad didnt like the fact i was going to a party, considering what happened last time. but i had one more chance and if i came home pregnant then i had to move out. i am ready to clean up my act, start fresh, start over. the first step to that was breaking it off with jonah. so that night i pulled him over to where i was and said, jonah, i think we need to take some time apart. why ana? i love you. he said. i told him i couldnt do this anymore, gave him a kiss, and walked away. i went over to the tables and sat down. unsurprisingly some dude came over and sat with me. he asked if i wanted something to drink and i said no. then i walked over to the bar. then some really cute guy smiled at me. at flashed half a smile at him. he walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder, and asked if i would like to dance. i said sure and we got up and started slow dancing to the song lips of an angel by hinder. he asked me for my name and i asked for his. im ana, i said. im eric, he said. i smiled at him and said thanks for dancing with me. he said no problem and smiled back. i put my chin on his shoulder and continued dancing. after the song i asked him if he wanted to call me some time and he said sure. so this time some strange guy finally wasnt hitting on me, just being nice and i liked that. hey how old are you? i asked. he said he was 16. then he asked me the same thing and i told him that i was 15. he asked me if i wanted a smoothie and i said yes and smiled. we started talking about where we used to live and about our schools. i like eric, and this time i wasnt going to ruin it. after i finished my smoothie i told him to call me sometime and we could catch a movie. he smiled and said he would. i was walking to heather's car and then all of a sudden it was dark and i was in a van. i was very afraid. then we stopped at this dark alley and the person pulled me out and ripped off my shirt, then he held a knife. i,i,i,i, couldnt believe who it was! and he was raping me! he pulled off my pants and told me not to scream.


chapter 9

dear diary,

it has been a few weeks since i have written because of the rape. well it really wasnt rape because i managed to get away before anything actually happened. mom took me in to have tests done and all that stuff. so no diseases or anything and the only bad thing that happened is that my lip was cut and i had a few bruises. oh and you wouldnt believe who it was! okay, so let me go back to night. in the alley he started kissing me, and held the knife to my throat. i went along with it so he lowered the knife and turned me over. thats when i kicked him and struggled to get away! he grabbed my ankle and i fell, but i ran as fast as i could. i wasnt put in the hospital but only went there to get cleaned up and for the tests. the nurse really nice and was really helpful, but i guess in these cases you have to be nice. she asked me if i knew who did this and i told her. a police officer came in my room and asked me some questions. at first he asked me to describe him. i told him that i knew who the man was. he asked me a million times if i was absolutly sure who it was. i told him that eric raped me! yeah the dude that i just met and thought i liked. the officer wasnt surprised, he said that eric had gotten away with raping before. they found him that night. something amazing also happened that night to. when i walked outside going to the car from the hospital, jonah was running toward me! he hugged me and said that he had heard what happened. who knew that he would care? he told me that he loved me and he would protect me. im not sure if breaking up with him was such i good idea. i wasnt ready to date right now because of everything that had happened. i havent been at school for about a week now. i needed to take some time off. trish and heather came over a couple of times and we hung out in my room. they told me what was going on at school and stuff. heather said that jonah wouldnt get near any girl, and knowing him i was very surprised. amanda was finally back at school and the rumors had pretty much stopped. then a few days ago amanda visited me! that was a bit shocking. she told me that she once again forgave me, and she was sorry for everything that had happened. so im thinking everything happens for a reason. she told me that everyone was going ice-skating and asked me if i wanted to go. i told her i would think about it. so tomorrow i am actually going to have a normal day with my friends including jonah, my friend. i went out on the balcony and i am sitting on the railing. its pretty dark outside. i was thinking about my life and how i wanted it to change. since i moved here i have changed from a tree hugging, artistic writer to a backstabbing slut. so i am going to write more when i wake up tomorrow.

i am going ice-skating with my friends in a little while, so i am going to fix my hair first. i once again curled my hair into ringlets and pulled them up. i grabbed a white sweater and a pair of black faded jeans. i only put a little bit of lipgloss on and some blush. amanda drove up and i grabbed my purse and walked downstairs. mom smiled at me and said that i looked beautiful, the first time she has said that since we moved out here because i didnt look like a whore. i smiled and gave her and dad a hug and walked out the door. by the time we got there it was noon. i slipped the skates on and music started to play. me, heather, amanda, trish, and jonah all started to skate. it was tough for me because i had never done it before so jonah came over to me and firmly held my waist and showed me an easy way to balance. he smiled at me and held me hand and we skated together. i really wanted to kiss him, but if i wanted it to work then i had to take it slow. after skating we all were going to catch a movie, but this time i called mom first. she said that i could. we watched an old romance movie. we all seemed to enjoy it. me and jonah held hands and that was it. i could tell that he actually liked me and finally didnt take advantage of me. when amanda dropped me off at my house i asked if she could stay over tonight. mom and dad said it was fine as long as she wanted to. we stayed up playing silly board games. two days later amanda's mom was visited by a general(from the army) he was there to tell that amanda's dad was killed. poor amanda, she cried and so did i. i went back to school the next day. there were three new people. the had heard about me and started terrible rumors. worse they even tried to convince jonah that i had slept with someone else. i confronted them and one girl(michelle) had a smirk on her face. i told her that no matter how jealous she was she wouldnt get jonah. drama is going up and down. at school something tradgic happened. it happened to trish.


chapter 10

dear diary,

trish has an eating disorder. we found her passed out in the bathroom floor. luckliy she is alright. my sweet sixteen is tomorrow and im sooo excited. a new year could be a new beginning right? the party is going to be at my house because mom and dad dont like the idea of clubs anymore considering whats happened the past three months. some of my friends are flying from new jersey, and that makes me even more happy. my ex-boyfriend and taylor are also coming...so im thinking drama is going to be haunting us. mom took me out to find an outfit and bikini today. i bought a light sea blue glittery dress, that ties in the back and reveals my back. my bikini(i wanted it to be red) but it matches my dress. it is white with little blue stichting. also a pool robe, which is the same color as the dress. i am going to paint my nails and go ahead and go to sleep, i dont want to look tired for tomorrow.
taylor is here! yeah mom just called from downstairs to tell me that she was here. i smiled going down the stairs blowing on my nails to keep them dry. she dropped her bags and ran and hugged me. i told mom we would be upstairs and then i told her i was going to show her around first. by the time we were upstairs she was in amazment. i asked how she had been and she said pretty good and then asked me. i told her everything, and i mean everything that has happened with jonah,amanda and about the rape & everything else! she was surprised that i had already lost my virginity. we talked and talked until my throat was sore. then mom said that amanda,trish, and heather were downstairs! it wasnt even tomorrow and the party was already getting started. i introduced amanda,heather and trish to taylor. they seemed to like her as of right now. i asked taylor if her and bryant(ex-boyfriend) were still together. she said that they had broken up two days after i left. taylor said that i had changed so much since i had moved and i agreed. we all started talking about my life in new jersey and before you knew it, bryant showed up. everyone's face looked disturbered. even though me and taylor were the only one's that knew him, the girls knew about him. he came up the stairs and knocked on each door before he finally got to mine. everyone hid so they could see what was going to happen. he knocked on my door and i opened it. he gave me some flowers, hugged me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. the girls slowly popped up out of their hiding spots and so did taylor. hell,this is heaven. he said under his breathe. everyone grabbed a pillow and attacked him and it was fun! haha. later we all snuggled up and watched a movie on my big-flat screen t.v. bryant was holding me and i didnt like that. neither did everyone else not even taylor. hey bryant, ya do know that i have a boyfriend right? its my ex! amanda said and i smiled and threw popcorn at her and we laughed. he gave me this serious look. you moved on with taylor... i said with my voice just a whisper. will you excuse us he said grabbing my hand. going out to the balcony, he said that being with taylor didnt mean anything, that he only did it because he was so mad at me. i told him that wasnt an excuse, what he did want fair and he knew it, just like i did when that happened to amanda. i told him i could except his apology and we could be friends and that was it. he looked at me with sympothy. he started kissing me, and then someone came out to the balcony, it was amanda. i pushed him away and amanda called him an asshole and a jerk for what he was doing. amanda hugged me and we went inside after she flipped him off. he came in a few minutes later. he had missed the last of the movie and none of us seemed to care. then we wanted to play a little game called truth or dare. un-surprisingly,i was first. heather asked me if i had lost my virginity and i knew she was only saying that to get back at bryant. i said yes and she asked him the same thing. he said yes. then i said that we were both even, with my voice just a whisper. it was 2am and everyone was crawling into sleeping bags and he headed toward the guess bedroom. i caught up with him. he said that he was still a virgin and turned to open the door. he said that he only said that because i was and he was upset. i hugged him and said goodnight and walked back to my bedroom.

in the morning no one was tired. we all were in the bathroom either taking a shower,putting on make-up, or fixing our hair. i curled my hair into ringlets that swept across my face. then before you knew it, jonah was here. i told heather not to let him see me and then i asked trish to help me tie the back of my dress. heather went downstairs and jonah asked her where i was. she said that i was upstairs but not to let him see me. he giggled and told her to give me the gift from him. she said ok and ran back upstairs. she gave it to me and it was a necklace. it had a solid gold chain with an A for ana. it had exactly 16 diamonds in it, all real. i asked trish to help me put my necklace on to. then finally jonah came up. he said i looked beautiful and said happy birthday and we kissed. still kissing, bryant came out and said this must be jonah. i said yes and holding his hand i introduced him to jonah. big surprise to me they like each other! me and jonah going downstairs holding hands, mom and dad smiled and congradulated me on turning sixteen. they hugged me and said that i looked gorgeous. me and jonah were walking outside with heather,trish,amanda,taylor and bryant following behind. gosh there were so many people, mom said that there were exactly 250 people here. when we got out there everyone said happy birthday ana! all at once, i smiled and the first slow song started to play. me and jonah started to dance. after it was over, bottom's up started to play and thats when everyone really started to dance. mom and dad stood up and hit their wine glasses with a fork and said, we would like to prepare a toast, to our daughter, ana, she has been through so much and god bless her to have a great year, happy birthday ana! they said and then cheers and everyone followed along. me and taylor walked over to get a shrimp cocktail and to talk to people. later when the weather really started to heat up,we all changed into our suits and layed out by the pool. run the show started playing and we got up to dance again. we went for a swim to and acting like kids we played marco polo and chicken. by the evening we were all slow dancing and eating lobster. by that night the disco lights started coming on and alot of rock music started to play. we all went night swiming and dancing. jonah and a few other people were pushed into the pool a few times. when we were all out of the pool, jonah brushed my wet curls out of my face and said i love you ana, and we kissed and i told him the same. he said, i love you so much that i am ready to commit to you, to us. i looked at him and everyone was silent and watching. he kneeled down and said, ana, i love you and the best gift i can give you is this. my parents were smiling. ana, would you marry me? he asked. and i smiled at him and started crying in happiness. before i could answer bryant ran over and attacked jonah! he puched him and he fell into the pool, and bryant said your not going to steal my girl! and grabbed me. i struggled to get away and i jumped in after jonah.

chapter.11

dear diary,

i havent written because, well its hard to explain...just keep reading. the night of my so called sweet sixteen, the cops came. bryant was arrested for asault and jonah was put in the hospital. he wasnt expected to make it, because of all the water in his lungs causing him to suffocate. i didnt go home, i stayed with him. taylor,trish,amanda, and heather stayed also. my mom and dad had to go home to sort things out. night after night after night i stayed with jonah by his side. they kept saying he would get better, but he didnt. he kept getting worse and exactly one month ago he was pronounced dead. his funeral was private, so i didnt get to see him, i am still engadged to him and i dont want that to change. i have had many people ask me out afterwards but i turned them all down, i told them that i was engadged. i started dressing scary and punk. i even got black highlights through my hair. my parents could tell that i was going through depression. just once i tried to cut my wrists but i broke down into tears instead. i stayed out of school for almost two weeks, making me fail. they didnt know what was wrong with me, so they thought it had something to do with my parents. they tried putting me into a foster home, but it never happened. my favorite color went from red, to black & red and thats all i would wear. i started listening to very heavy medal and hard rock. i even got my eyebrow and lip peirced. i even wrote a song and slit my wrist and rubbed blood on it. people thought i was some kind of crazy maniac and so did i. i finally started to realize that being all punk and scary wasnt going to bring jonah back. i began to like what i was becoming and that scared alot of people. i also started smoking, no drugs though. i was a big mess and life itself wasnt helping any. mom and dad wanted to send me to rehab but i refused to go. eventually all my hair was black. i never took his ring off that he gave me, nor the necklace. finally i was forced to go to rehab or i could go to foster care. in rehab i took out all my peircings and quit smoking. i had to wear jeans and a plain white t-shirt all the time so i guess i could kiss my punk life away. my black hair faded away and this time for good. i was released from rehab about two months later and mom and dad were happy to see me back to myself again. i started dressing back into cute shirts and skirts. my friends started hanging out with me more and more and my life got some what better. one night me, heather, and trish went bowling and i had so much fun which i hadnt had in a long time. i started wearing make-up, cute jewlery, and went back to my blonde self. i even met this cute guy and he was really nice. i decided that the past was past and i should leave it like that. when i went on a date with him i wore a teal shirt and a cute skirt. i took off my ring. it was hard, but it was also past and i told myself it should stay that way. it had been about two months later and it was raining and i was reading a book in my room. mom came up and said that the phone was for me. i got up and said hello? i could tell it was a pay phone because i could here it raining really loud. no one answered. i said hello again and then someone said meet me at the back of the theater really quickly and hung up. i figured it was my current boyfriend(josh) so i grabbed my jacket and left. i walked to the back of the theater and seen someone so i smiled and said josh? the person answered and said no. i reconized that voice. j-j-jonah? i was stuttering. at last we meet again ana.


chapter 12

dear diary,

it wasnt jonah, it was his brother dylan. i was a little surprised because i didnt know what he wanted or why. i also didnt understand when he said "at last we meet again ana" because i had never met him, jonah only talked about him. i asked him what he needed. he said that jonah wasnt dead, the report was false. i was extremely in shock and then i broke down. dylan told me that it would be okay and held me while i cried. at first i didnt believe him because there was no proof of jonah being alive. i asked him why did they make a false report and why would jonah do this to me. he said that jonah was in a very bad condition, but he never died. then he said that the night of my party, some people from amanda's party which was awhile back, were very upset that i stole amanda's boyfriend on the night of her sweet sixteen so they had planned to get revenge and ruin my sixteenth birthday. jonah knew about it and so did everyone else. they didnt tell me because of my safety. everything was planned out that day. bryant getting in a fight and everything. they had to make it look like it was real so i would believe it. i was so mad that i couldnt speak. i asked dylan who were the people that had done this. he said that if he told me then that would be putting me in more danger. i asked him if i could see jonah. he said that i could only because the "people" that had done this decided that they got there revenge so i could be with him again. i looked up at dylan and smiled i was so happy. he reached out for my and we walked to his car. during the drive to his house, when we stopped at a redlight i reached over and kissed him. he kissed me back and smiled. i didnt make-out with him, but i was so happy that i wanted to for him telling me about everything. it took awhile to get to his house so at one point i was thirsty. i jumped out of the truck and grabbed dylans hand and we walked into the store together. i wanted to dance through each isle again and again. i ran to the back section where the drinks were and grabbed a starbucks mocha coffee. all of a sudden i seen josh. i walked over and said hey and smiled. i told him everything which took about three minutes. strangest thing though, he said that he didnt know anything about what was happening, but he said he would let me go to be with jonah. i smiled at him and gave him one last kiss and told him we should all hang out one day. he smiled and said yeah and i ran to pay for my drink. dylan was waiting out by the truck and i did something. i ran to him and he picked me up and we made-out. what i was doing wasnt out of love, but out of happiness. this time i wasnt sure if this kiss was out of happiness. after that we were driving down the road and mine and jonah's song came on. i turned it up and started singing. i remembered me and jonah singing as loud as we could when we went to the movies once. dylan laughed and he turned it up even louder. suddenly we were at this place, and the truck stopped. i pulled dylan into the backseat of the truck and we made out. i started to pull his shirt off, but then i thought to myself that i had lost my slutty reputation once and i wasnt about to do it again, so i smiled and got back in the front seat. when we finally got to the house. i jumped out of the truck and ran to the door. dylan ran too and opened the door. i asked him where was jonah, he said that he probably was at my house. i was once again surprised. i asked why would he be at my house. dylan said that he had to get some things strait with my parents before i could see him. i plopped on the couch and said come sit. he said that he needed to go upstairs and change first. after i heard a door close upstairs, i got up and walked up to his room. i opened the door and smiled. i ran in and jumped on him. we made-out for awhile and then it started to go further once again. this time i didnt stop and neither did he, but something did stop us and that was the doorbell. i ran downstairs to answer and when i opened the door, there stood...cathy? dylan finished. she ran in to him and kissed him. i felt jealousy and last time it was because of amanda and jonah. i walked out the door and shut it slowly and silently cried. he finally came out there and looked at me. oh how bad i needed jonah here to hold me. then i told dylan to go back inside and he pulled me in too. he started kissing me and cathy saw us. she frowned and i seen tears in her eyes. this was it. i was a slut again stealing other girls boyfriends. i stopped and told dylan no. i was with jonah and he couldnt have me. he was dissapointed and then someone else was at the door. i opened it and it was jonah! i hugged him and we both stood there in silence and in happiness. i just held onto him like i would never lose him again. finally i looked at him and we smiled. i hugged him again and again so happy to see him. i cried because i was so happy. he looked at me and pushed that pesky strand of hair out of my face again and we kissed. honestly i thought i was dreaming, but i wasnt. the first words he said to me was "i love you" and i said that same thing back. he looked and asked where my ring was. i told him everything that had happened and that i decided to take it off because he was my past and at the time i really needed to let go of my past. we hugged again smiling and then i seen dylan and cathy. i was with jonah and he was with cathy. i could tell that he didnt want to be with cathy anymore because of what happened. i laid my head on jonah's shoulder and all i could do was smile. i was with him again but now i had a choice to make.


chapter 13

dear diary,

i havent written in almost a week because i have been spending time with jonah... me, heather, trish, amanda, and him all went out to a club three nights ago and i wasnt exactly excited because of my experience with clubs. lets go back to last night. as me, and heather were getting ready,(she spent the night with me) my cell buzzed. so with my hair half fixed and nail polish drying i answered the text which was from dylan. it said "hay bby wutz up? wanna come to the club wit me 2nite" my response "i am but wit ma frnds and jonah" he didnt reply. i went back to get ready. amanda and trish pulled up to the driveway and me and heather jumped in and we were off to the club. i was wearing a purple shirt with a white denihm jacket with a matching headband and two jewled star clips. when we got out of the car, i seen jonah and dylan...i ran and hugged jonah and we kissed. dylan didnt look exactly happy but whatever. when we went into the club, we danced for awhile then i went to the bar to grab something to drink. dylan came and sat beside of me of course. i ordered a smoothie and dylan smiled at me. he asked me what we were going to do about "us" i told him that there wasnt an us, and there wouldnt be. when i got my smoothie(here comes the original soap opera scene) i turned around to see what trish wanted and dylan slipped something into my drink. i didnt know at the time but yeah. we started dancing....nothing wrong with that unless it was sexually which it was. i couldnt really control what i was doing. i was so dizzy and i couldnt see anything or anyone. dylan went along with it acting like thats what i wanted. jonah and heather came over to where we were. heather asked me what was i doing. jonah punched dylan. it was dizzy then it was blank. i could here voices and that was it. i heard either amanda or heather say call 911. then i heard dylan and jonah. jonah was angry telling dylan off about how he couldnt have me. dylan said thats what i wanted. i woke up on a couch in the upstairs part of the club. i was a little better but i had a terrible headache. i seen jonah, dylan, heather, amanda, and trish. they all were sitting against the wall waiting for me to wake up. when i did heather came over there and hugged me. i seen jonah and he looked at me strangly and i was nervous. i couldnt exactly walk because i was still a little dizzy so he came to me and dylan followed. everyone else left the room. jonah, where am i? was the first thing i said. ana, your at the club, you passed out. he said. i asked him how i passed out and he said that dylan drugged my drink. i was confused and asked why did everyone leave the room. dylan said that he had told jonah about our little incident that we had encountered. i said i was sorry. jonah said that i didnt have to be sorry but i did have to choose who i wanted to be with. i immediatly said jonah. he said that he would give me time to think and got up. i collapsed and then i woke up in jonah’s bedroom. i wasnt dizzy or anything and i couldnt remember anything at the moment and i didnt know where i was either. i walked toward the door and then i heard talking. i listened, it was jonah and dylan. they said that they both loved me and wanted to be with me. i wanted to be with jonah but there was something holding me back and i didnt want it to. i didnt want to be with dylan at all. to prove that i came out of the room and kissed jonah. dylan pulled me off of him and i turned around a slapped him, i said that i loved jonah and not him. he looked at me and i turned away to jonah who wasnt there. i went back to his bedroom where he was looking at pictures. i sat down beside him and looked at them too. it was from my sixteenth birthday which wasnt so great, but that was the last time i was with jonah before everything happened. i hugged him and he smiled. i asked him if he wanted to give me up so dylan could have me. i asked him if he was going to give me up without a fight. i said i loved him and then i got down on one knee and said, jonah marson would you accept the offer of being my husband? he looked at me and smiled. he pulled me up on top of him and we made love.

when i woke up in jonah’s arms the sun was shining very brightly just like a new day for a new beggining. i woke jonah up and he smiled. this moment was what i had waited for the most, to be in the man that i loved arm’s we got up and he took a shower. i went to the other one and took a shower. after i finished dressing, dylan knocked on the door and asked if he could come in. i threw the towel at him and walked out. he followed me down the hallway and grabbed my arm and asked what was wrong. i told him that i didnt love him that i loved jonah and i was marrying him. jonah heard us and walked out and jerked dylan’s arm off of me. i hugged jonah and we walked downstairs. then dylan ran and jumped on jonah and punched him. i jumped onto them trying to pull dylan off of him. he knocked me off and i ran and kicked him in the leg. he fell of and jonah got up. when we were in the car driving to my house i told jonah i loved him and that i would never love anyone else. he smiled and when we pulled into the driveway we kissed, and kissed. mom and dad werent home because neither of the vehicles were in the driveway or garage. i invited jonah in to hang out and he came in. i picked up the phone and called trish and heather. they came over too. today was pool day so we all put suits on and jumped in the pool. dylan, amanda, and trish’s and heathers boyfriends came to. we went out to eat and when we got back we went up to my room and played truth or dare. i was having fun so i decided to choose dare. my dare was to make-out with dylan. i didnt want to at all but they all called me a chicken and even jonah was laughing so i did. dylan pulled me on top of him and we made out even more. jonah said okay that was enough and pulled me off of him. then it was jonah’s turn and he chose dare. his dare was to make me jealous. oh boy i thought to myself rolling my eyes. i didnt think that he would do it but he did. he used amanda because she was his ex-girlfriend and being with her had made me jealous before so yeah. i was afraid that they might feel something, but i wasnt going to worry myself over it. to make me jealous he started making out with her long and hard. i smiled and said i wasnt jealous, but seeing them kiss tore me up inside. then it was getting intimate. he pulled her shirt off and kissed her some more. then he pulled her on top of him and they kissed some more then i cracked. i screamed in raging anger and grabbed amanda by her hair and pulled her off of him and kicked her in the leg. then i ran out on my balcony. dylan ran out to comfort me and to talk. i was crying so hard in his arms. jonah peeked out and seen how hurt i was. then he turned and walked out of the room. heather came out and told me to come in. she said that it was just a game it wasnt real. i told her what they did was real it wasnt just makeing out! it was way beyond that. i asked her where jonah was and she said that he had gone outside. first i hugged amanda and said i was sorry. she smiled and said hey it happens. then i ran out to the patio, there stood jonah standing by the pool. i walked over to him. im so sorry ana...he said. i didnt mean to hurt you...i thought we all were just playing a game. i smiled and said that it was okay and i hugged him. dylan seen me kissing jonah and ran to attack jonah and i pushed jonah when i seen him and he got me instead.


chapter 14

dear diary,

bad news i havent written in almost one month. so as of right now drama is back, here let me explain. after dylan so called attacked me,(he knocked me in the pool) things got worse, not at the moment anyways but yeah. a couple weeks of school and studies did some good for me and my grades. my mind was focused on school and friends and sometimes jonah. i didnt want any boys or my "fiance" to get in the way. i didnt write because of studies and other things. so here drama comes once again and it probably will keep on coming considering whats happened. okay enough stalling, here it goes. like i said before, a couple of weeks of school nothing really happened, except for mine,heather,amanda,trish,jonah and dylan’s summer trip coming up. mom and dad were a little unsure about letting me go, until i said that it was summer and that i could take care of my self which has been proven wrong in some cases, but anyways. i was given permission, so i called heather. she was so excited and so was i. we decided to go shopping with trish, to get all the stuff we needed for the trip. i was given a credit card from my parent’s since it was summer, but there was a catch. i had to call every two nights or the credit card was canceled, no excuses. so as i made that deal i also kissed the credit card and jumped in the car with heather and trish. when we got to the mall, i got out of the car and smiled because i was never let loose with that much money, but i knew i couldnt waste it all either because i had to prove my responsiblilty. we first went into cellular mania, and i bought i cover and an ’a’ stenciled on the front in diamonds(fake) then we went to the summer clothing department. i bought exactly $465.94 of summer clothing/suits/shoes! then we got our hair and nails done. it was a really fun day, until i got home. it was pretty late and i was so tired so i headed upstairs to take a shower and then get into bed. then suddenly the lights came on, and mom and dad were looking at me like "where the hell have you been?" i squinted my eyes because when you have been in the dark and unexpectidly bright lights shine in your face it isnt fun. mom asked "where have you been?" funny. almost like my version except for the hell part. i told her that i was out with trish and heather. then dad stepped in, he asked me if i knew how late it was. i said that i really didnt know, because i hadnt kept up with the time. then i was actually surprised at what dad said, he said that it was 2am in the morning! shit. i said under my breath. honestly young lady when will you learn? my mom asked. mom, honestly i didnt know what time it was! i said. then my dad said, since we’re all asking questions here, how about you tell us where you were. i said that i went to the mall with trish and heather, then we went and got our hair and nails done,went out to trish’s house,then to get something to eat and then here. thats not the issue here ana! mom said, if you are going on this summer trip then you are going to have to be responsible! i rolled my eyes and started up the stairs again. i didnt need this. after my shower i was sitting on my bed crying. i was so fed up with being treated like i was 10 yrs old or something. i sniffled then grabbed my cell and texted dylan, yes dylan. here’s what i said, "hey dylan, im so bored. want to come up?" his responce: "yeah sure jonah comin to?" mine: "nah, i dnt guess so" his: "mkay be there l8er"
when dylan came up about 3am in the morning, i was nervous that mom and dad would catch him. i stuck my head out the door and motioned him to climb up the balcony. he did and knocked slightly on the door. i let him in and smiled. i didnt invite jonah because i knew that we would end up having sex, and all i wanted was to have fun with a guy friend. i popped some popcorn and we watched a movie. i smiled at him and then fell over slightly in his arms. he pulled me over on him and smiled, and said your so sexy when your afraid. i smiled and climbed over him onto my bed and grabbed my ipod. i gave him an ear peice and put the other one in my ear and we started to be retartded and sing. i laughed and said come on. he didnt know what i meant, but he followed along. i stepped out on the balcony(it was cold) and pulled him out there with me. i smiled and gave him a kiss. we both smiled and he started to climb down the balcony and i did to. i followed him out to his car and drove to his house. we walked in the door and headed up to his room. i knew what was going to happen, but i didnt want it to happen, like i said i just wanted to have fun, not sex. yeah i was wrong anyways. he pulled out his x-box and guitar hero 3 and i smiled and grabbed a guitar and we started to play. i won! i won! i said prancing around the room. he ran over to grab me and then he tickeled me! then jonah came in and said ana? rubbing his eyes. he babe! i said nervously and hugged him. he asked me what i was doing here in dylan’s room. so i had to think fast. uh-um i came to see you! but uh-um you were asleep so i challenged dylan and beat him! i said. so you came to see me at 3am in the morning? he asked sleepily. yeah! i said. he said girls were crazy and went back to bed. after he closed the door, i bursted out laughing and so did dylan. i was nervous that jonah would get the wrong idea, and i didnt want that. well dylan took me home a little while later so i said thanks for a fun time and i climbed my balcony, and then crawled into bed.

hmmm. waking up to your parents first thing in the morning isnt exactly lovely. they werent standing over me because they were mad, it was because i had to get ready so i could pack! omg! today was the day me, the girls, dylan & jonah left for the beach house! how stupid i was to stay up and out that late last night and this morning. i jumped out of bed and ran to the shower. i took a quick one and jumped out and ran to my closet. i grabbed a pink american eagle shirt and some bermuda shorts. i brushed my hair which was light and wavy and pulled it up into a loose ponytail. i called up everyone. i packed and packed for about 2 hours until a car full of friends drove up my driveway and i smiled. i hugged and kissed mom and dad, grabbed my purse and credit card and headed out the door.



chapter 15

dear diary, diary, diary

we all arrived at the beach house somewhere around dark and i was exausted. i believe everyone was. when we got into the beach house and got settled i wanted to relax, but of course that didnt exactly happen. jonah wanted to snuggle and kiss, but i wanted to sit in a corner and read a book. for once my mind was actually on more than boys. i whined and pushed him away. he looked at me strangly and i told him i was tired. he told me that we were at the beach, it was the beginning of summer and the sun was setting and there couldnt be anything more romantic than that. i smiled and gave him a kiss and continued to read. he sighed and went to get settled in a bedroom. i dont know diary, but i wasnt in the mood at all for jonah. trish came over and plopped down on the couch beside me. i smiled and said hey. she smiled and did the same thing. she asked me how i liked it here so far. i told her that i would give her my opinion tomorrow when all the fun got started. amanda came to me and said that i should choose a bedroom before all the good ones were gone. i set down my book and grabbed my bags and headed toward the rooms. there were only three bedrooms so we all had to share. okay since there were three rooms, amanda and trish were sharing, so i thought that me and heather could share, and jonah and dylan could share. that didnt happen, because i screwed it up. i swear it was my period or something because i was acting very strange, but anyways. jonah came over to me hugged me and smiled and said that we would share a room. he started to pick me up and i yelled "put me the hell down!" what was i doing?! he said "come on babe dont be like this..." i loved jonah and what i said next could have ruined everything. "you bastard i swear if you dont leave me alone i will freaking scream! i dont want your sex! i dont need you!" right then i couldnt believe what i said...no one else could either. they all looked with shock in their eyes and i ran out the door crying. jonah came running after me but amanda stopped him. it was dark and i was watching the tide go in and out. the breeze felt good. i sniffled and suddenly their was someone beside me. it was dylan and he wrapped his hoodie around me and sat beside me. he didnt even say anything. i looked at him and asked him what was wrong with me. he scooted closer and said he didnt know. as we sat there for a moment until dylan broke the silence. "you do know amanda still has feelings for jonah..." i looked at him with tears in my eyes and said that even though i had said those things i didnt want to lose jonah. he hugged me and all he said was "i know...ana, i love you to so if you need anything just ask" i smiled and hugged him. i could caught a glimpse from the corner of my eye and seen jonah and amanda talking. she hugged jonah and i told dylan. we both ran back up to the beach house and i asked amanda what she was doing. she said comforting jonah, just like dylan was comforting me. i told her that she could just share a room with him tonight and trish could share with heather and....dylan could share with me. "no! i will not let him have you, you are mine" jonah said. here’s what i said. "whatever you want to believe jonah, but believe me im not anyones property" i jerked away from him and started to walk to the bedroom. then i turned around and seen him and amanda hugging again. i walked back and told her to stay away from him. then he said that he wasnt my property.

in the morning i woke up yawning and with a terrible headache. i was back to normall and decided to apologize to jonah for acting the way i did. when i went to his bedroom amanda was in the bed! but he wasnt...i heard water running and i walked toward the bathroom. it was heather brushing her teeth. she said good morning and i said back at ya. i frowned and asked myself under his breath where could he be? i went into the bathroom brushed my teeth and then my hair. washed up and put a bathing suit on. then some shorts and pulled my hair back into a messy bun. i slipped on my sandals and walked out side. gosh how beautiful it was! i walked on down to the docks and seen jonah on a jet-ski. i yelled and waved. he came over and stopped and told me to get on. i hopped onto the back and held his waist. i said i was sorry and blah blah blah. he smiled, turned around and kissed me. we took off on the jet-ski. after awhile we went back to the beach house holding hands and giggling. everyone was outside looking at us. i pulled jonah into my arms and we made out. i was glad that nothing bad happened, i realized that i had something great in my life and i didnt want to lose it. trish smiled and said "the two lovebirds finally showed up" i laughed and said hello to everyone. me,heather,and amanda laid out on the beach to tan and oddly everything was ok. strange thing though, i didnt see dylan this morning. after id say about 30 minutes of tanning, i got up and went to search for dylan. he was down by the docks. he was in shorts with no top on a boat. i jumped over onto it and asked him where had he been? he said its weird how one day you tell someone you love them and then the next its just like nothing ever happened. he looked at me. "dylan! why are you doing this? i love you but not in the way you think. im in love with jonah" i said. "yeah, but you werent yesterday...i told you how i felt about you and its like you dont even care." "you cant do this dylan, you cant take advantage of me like this." i said getting off the boat.

chapter.16

dear diary,

as of now not everything is going so well...details? okay. when i told dylan that he couldnt take advantage of me, he was pretty mad. i told him i was sorry. he looked at me with anger and i could tell i should just walk away, but i didnt. i went back over onto the boat. he grabbed my arm so hard that i had a bruise just minutes afterward. i jerked away from him, but i couldnt get away. he looked at me once again and i searched deep inside his eyes to try at least to feel his pain. he swallowed hard and i could see tears in his eyes. i whispered that i had to go, but he said no and pulled me over to him. he hugged me and said he was sorry, i knew that this wouldnt be the last time but whatever. we kissed. and i mean we kissed. it had a feeling, because i felt something. afterwards he held me and we both just stood standing there on the boat, with me in his arms. i smiled at him, well not really "smiled" but you should get the picture. it was getting near noon and i figured i should call my parents. later, trish said that we were all going out to eat for dinner. all i could say was "great" as i was getting dressed jonah called for me from the kitchen. i said hold on and i would be there in just a sec. i put on my make-up, brushed my hair and clipped it back and slipped on a mini skirt and light blue and white tank top under a thin white shirt. when i walked into the kitchen, everyone was in there, even dylan. at first i didnt know, and honestly i really didnt want to know. i asked what they all wanted. jonah came over to me and put his arm on my shoulder and asked "ana, are you cheating on me?" i looked at him with disgust then i looked at dylan. "dont touch me! how could you acuse me of this?!" i said pushing him. i ran into the bedroom crying. dylan came running after me. "was it you? were you the one that did this?" i asked fixing my make-up and sniffling. he came over to where i was and hugged me. i looked at him and hugged him back. i asked him what were we going to do. saying that, meant i was giving him permission to be with me. i dont know how or why, but i was falling for dylan. and i also said i never would. so as we were all getting ready to leave i seen jonah and amanda together. i knew that he was probably cheating on me to, but if he was then so what? i was to. he looked at me as i was getting in th car. when we got to the resturant, the waiter asked what i would like. i ordered spaghetti with wheat noodles. as i was eating, amanda and jonah were giggling. "could you two please stop being so rude? some people are trying to eat...oh its also not nice to get so horny at the dinner table." amanda said excuse me and headed toward the ladies room. i looked at jonah and said good food? and smiled. as the new bitch was coming out of me, i was a little happier. "ana, can we please talk?" jonah asked me. "why of course." i said. "you wouldnt need amanda’s permission would you?" "god ana couldnt you not be a bitch for like two minutes?" he said angrily getting up. we went to a small sitting room right before the bathroom. i asked him if he was sleeping with amanda, and he asked me if i was with dylan. we both said no, thank god. i asked him if he was cheating on me..."ana, im not going to lie...i was with amanda once about two nights ago" great, that was the night we got here! "ana, have you been with dylan any?" he asked. of course i wasnt going to tell him the truth. "no jonah i havent, now that i know you have we should just break it off" "no! ana, im not going to let amanda nor dylan ruin what we have together." "jonah, as bad as it may sounds, you slept with amanda the night we got here! and it doesnt take a genuis to figure that out! you had to be together before that, because you dont just ask a friend if they wanna have sex!" i said getting up and walking back to the table. i was so mad. i walked to dylan and whispered something in his ear. he got up and we kissed. in front of everyone. jonah looked at me so angrily, that i thought for sure he was going to do something. "thats how i feel about dylan! the thing is jonah i didnt sleep with him!" i yelled. dylan held me and amanda finally came out. "so ana...you have what you want now right?" "no amanda, you have what you want, and thats all " when we got back to the beach house everyone was a mess. i couldnt believe what’s happened. god, i think i need a drink. but im not going there. i want to fix things with jonah so badly, i cant let amanda have him. i wont give him up. i will do what i have to if i wanna keep jonah.

chapter.17

dear diary,

i know that i havent written exactly in awhile, but i am now. i dont know whats going on anymore diary, its just so frustrating and confusing. we’re going back to the town in two days. okay so here’s the deal with dylan and jonah, i love them both. i want to keep dylan, but i dont want to lose jonah. im going to spend the rest of the time at the beach with jonah. we really need to become closer. we are going camping on the beach, romantic right? well as i was packing, while everyone else was out doing something else, dylan came in and grabbed my waist from behind. i looked at him and smiled, and yeah we kissed. we also talked while i packed, and he said that he would miss me. i told him i would too and turned back around. i figured i would try to forget him for a moment. i grabbed my bags and threw them in jonah’s jeep. i hugged everyone and whispered something into dylan’s ear. as i jumped into the jeep i seen amanda and jonah talking from the rear view mirror. i blew the horn really hard a few times. "so what were you telling amanda?" i asked jonah as he got into the jeep. "nothing really" he said leaning over to kiss me. when we finally got down to the place on the beach where we were going to camp. i dont know what its called though. i unloaded the sleeping bags and pushed my hair back. as i sat on the beach thinking, jonah came up behind me and we both fell over. we laughed and kissed. right now, i didnt wanna be with him. ughh, i cant stand when that happens. honestly i didnt have feelings for him at that moment. i really wanted to move far far away, from everyone including jonah. not dylan? i dont know what i was thinking. i would be letting amanda have jonah. when the sun was starting to go down, i went to the back of the jeep, and found beer. i took a can and started to drink. one after another, over and over. after four of them i started to get a buzz, then i was lying on the beach crying. after about two more i passed out. laying on the beach, jonah came over running to where i was. where was he sooner? he couldnt get me awake, but i was alive. after a few more shakes i was awake and with a terrible headache. we drove back to the beach house, thank god. i needed dylan, not jonah. jonah stopped on the side of the road, jonah looked back at me lying in the backseat. i blinked with tears in my eyes. driving up to the beach house i just opened the jeep door and jumped out. everyone came outside. dylan seen me and i started running toward him. jonah got out and started running after me. i wrapped my arms around dylan and he held me. jonah came up to us and asked me what was i doing. i didnt look at him, i just took off running. everyone else came inside. "darling! whats up with you?" trish and heather were asking. "i dont know, i dont think i want to be with jonah anymore...i think i like dylan, alot..." i said starting to curl up on the couch. trish leaned down to hug me and she smelled my breath. "have you been drinking?" she asked. and i said yeah. after an hour or two i called my mom. we talked for an hour. i told her i wanted to move and explained. she said that it would be my desicion after i turned 17. we talked some more about everything else and then we hung up. it was super late, and i heard voices. i quietly got out of bed and walked to wherever the voices led me... it was to amanda’s door. and leaned against it and listened. here is the conversation...
jonah:so amanda whats happening here?
amanda:your little girlfriend is cheating on you...
jonah:how exactly do you know?
amanda:you can catch her and dylan together when everyone else is away.
jonah:really? well i need to see this for myself.
amanda:i will get all of the girls out of the house tomorrow...
amanda:then you will see for yourself.
jonah:okay amanda, you better not be lying...
after i heard that conversation, i ran too trish and heather’s bedroom. i quietly woke them up and told them and afterwards we had a little plan of our own. then i went and woke dylan up, told him, then told him about how we would lead jonah and amanda into the trap and make amanda look like a liar. as for now im going to sleep.

goodmorning! oh what a bright morning it is.today is the day we all make amanda look like a liar, oh joy joy joy. pouring a glass of orange juice, jonah walked over to me and kissed my cheek, grabbing a peice of toast. i looked at him and smiled and kissed him back. oh no here come’s the feelings for him. freaking feeling swings, or whatever there called. i served up breakfast and oh how wonderful the next part was. it was the beginning of the plan. i "made it look like i was sneaking" outside after breakfast and whispered something to dylan and amanda came out and i smiled. giving heather a high-five walking by. when i went to the bathroom to get ready, i passed dylan. i smiled and and waved. i now just realized this had all happened before, you know with all of the affairs. wow, its exactly the same except with a different order. oh how lovely. i wore a white tank top, with a teal skirt, and a teal wrap, with cute sandals. i brushed my hair and then crimped it. time for the next phase of the plan. everyone was going riding on jet-ski’s and i "mysteriously" made my exit. then jonah and amanda were following, them not knowing that i knew. i met dylan inside and we held each other close smiling making it "look like" we were together. then jonah and amanda came in. "i knew it! i was right! she is cheating on you jonah!" amanda screached. "oh really amanda? you didnt plan to follow me here?" i asked. "why would you follow me anyways? i know that you would do anything to break me and jonah up" "you two were hear....together!" amanda said. "oh amanda give it up! it was planned! i heard you and jonah talking last night!" i said. "how do we know you arent lying, ana?" here come’s the fun part! "oh please jonah, you know she would lie to break us up...why cant you just trust me?" i said starting to "cry" and ran out the door. glancing back with a smirk on my face. i knew this was all wrong but i seriously needed to figure this love thing out. not to worry, life goes back to normal tomorrow.
tomorrow
---------------------
early in the morning before the sun came up, the stupid alarm went off, and i was in jonah’s arms.yawning, getting out of bed i went to brush my teeth. pulled my hair back and scrubbed my face. putting on another skirt, (except this one was white) and putting on a pink top, with a pearl like necklace, and my "a" necklace jonah got me. then i brushed my hair and straightened it, then pulled it into a low ponytail. then my make-up. walking toward dylan’s bedroom, i spotted amanda. she was writing in a diary, who knew? i walked in and she threw it behind her back and said "hey!" i said hey and smiled and said that i was sorry for everything that had been going on lately. i smiled and then walked. i needed that diary, it was going to be pure gold.

chapter.18

dear diary,

ever wonder how those super unexplainable weird things happen to you? well i do. its going to be hard to explain and breathtaking in the bad way and you probably wouldnt believe it but oh well here it goes. when i wanted amanda’s diary, i went after it of course. it wasnt easy at all. i stayed beside the door and watched her when she put it away and i waited until she went to get in the shower to go after it...it turns out i couldnt find it, even though i had seen where she put it! i went to wake dylan up and the rest of the gang. the sun was just rising, and i went over to dylan and crawled onto him and yelled boo! and he woke up and we laughed. after getting on the road and back to my house it felt...good. i was happy to see my parents. after getting settled i went up to my room and sat on my bed all bored and what not. i looked around and i thought to myself that my room needed a makeover. with everything that was going on, i needed something else on my mind. so i went back downstairs and told her and dad. she said i could and that i could use my credit card! so i called up trish and heather. they came over and we went shopping. yay. we also talked about amanda’s diary. when we got to the mall we headed toward the place where the bedroom stuff was. i was going to re-do my whole room in teal and white including my other room that the balcony was in. i bought a silky white comforter and a white canopy that was outlined in diamonds and some other stuff like lamps and posters. mom and dad ordered the new couch for my other half of the room. it was a teal couch with fuzzy white pillows. when we got him it only took about three hours to do everything, i liked how my new room was. yeah okay so i needed something in it, like dylan. so i called him. no answer. so me and heather decided to pay a visit to amanda’s house for the lovely diary. we rang the doorbell a few times and she finally answered it. the deal was that we all go up to her room and then get heather to distract her while i looked for her diary. i found it and stuck it in my bag. then me and heather "had to go" so we went. when we got back to my house we went up to my room and locked the door. i skimmed through the pages and i was right this was gold. she called me a bitch alot. i finally got to the night that her and jonah slept together, she said that it was great and her first time, she said that...omg im not even going into detail. oh how that made me so mad at jonah. nevermind...anyways, i was reading from earlier this morning....here’s what it said.
"dear diary,

sleeping with jonah was great and im glad that it happened...except for one thing that i havent told anyone and i never will...i am pregnant with jonah’s baby. he doesnt know either...oh boy. im thinking about having an abortion then i wouldnt have to tell anyone. but then i would have to live with the murder of that baby. oh i am soo scared. jonah would hate me and i cant have that. so this baby may bring us closer because he might want to get married because he is having a child "

"oh shitt...thats why amanda is trying so hard to break us up." i said looking at heather with shock in my eyes. she was shocked too.

chapter.19

dear diary,

i havent written, i dont think i ever even wanted to after what happened. okay so me and heather are the only ones that knew about amanda’s pregnancy, well at the time...here’s the lovely story. when we found out there was nothing but shock, so we decided not to tell anyone until we figured something out. summer was half way over so i decided to spend some more time with jonah while i had the chance. i wasnt going to sleep with him though, because he was a daddy, and the only thing i would do to be a bitch was make-out with him in front of amanda, to make her realize that she made a very bad mistake, and i was going to make sure she would pay...oh and i was going to make jonah pay too. after a few weeks she started to "gain wait" and i knew that it wouldnt be long before everyone found out unless she got an abortion which i dont think was going to happen. so two nights ago we all were going to a club, yeah goodie for me...so amanda went to the bar with the rest of us and we all ordered our drinks, we dared amanda to order an alcoholic drink and drink it...she refused...usually she wouldnt have but she’s pregnant. a smirky smile wondered across my face and then i grabbed jonah’s hand and we were heading upstairs...i knew that would hurt amanda, but this is where the truth came out and it wasnt pretty..."come on jonah lets make history" i said smiling urging him to come. he smiled and walked toward me. then amanda came over. "jonah, dont go!" amanda said. "why amanda? he is my boyfriend...not yours!" i said. "jonah im pregnant!" she suddenly said and everyone’s jaw dropped. "i knew it! i knew it!" i said happily. then jonah was very angry...and i told everyone i knew...jonah hit me, and he hit me hard. i was knocked out for a few minutes and when i woke up i seen amanda in jonah’s arms crying. i quickly got up and pushed amanda, she pushed me and then i pushed her a little to hard and she fell back into the fountain. i ran to jonah and kissed him. he jerked me off of him. "how could you not tell me ana?! its my baby!" he said. "how could you even do this to me jonah? yeah i kissed dylan...but..." i was saying. "but what ana?" he said. "jonah..i didnt sleep with him..." i said breaking down into tears. i could see that he just realized that he made the biggest mistake ever. i ran over to trish and she hugged me. i seen jonah holding amanda again. i was soo pissed. what was wrong with him?! "you little slut!" i said as i slapped amanda. "stop ana! stop! we’re through! okay i hate you! i hate you! god you dont even know! we’re through! i had a child and you didnt tell me! you are just a stupid little slutty whore and i hate you! just..just go to hell bitch!" he said, then he hit me again. this time i woke up being loaded into an ambulance. how could i have let this happen? jonah was slipping through my fingers and none of it made any sense. i woke up in a hospital bed and people were looking at me. oh god my parents were there. then some doctor came in and said a bunch of junk and said that after i had healed up i would be sent to a recovering abused victim group for awhile. oh god whats happening?


chapter 20

dear diary,

i am finally in stupid recovery, i dont even need to be here so if i stayed for three nights and my parents gave them permission to release me then its all said and done, im getting out of here today, my limit is up. im not at all excited about going home, or to school when it starts back. im definatley not excited to see jonah or amanda all over each other. mom and dad want to press charges but they cant, i didnt give them permission and i wont. i love jonah and no matter what happens i will always love him. i sound like a stupid fool right? well maybe after everything gets back in order it will be somewhat okay? alrightie so i am getting into the car now and in a little bit i will be at my house...trish,heather, and amanda are there, god knows why amanda is, but whatever happens, happens? mkay so as i got out of the car i was still writing, looking down with sloppy braids, then i looked up and my friend’s and amanada’s smiles went away. i guess my face was a shock, full of scratches, bruises, and a nice black eye to match on the right said. i tried smiling a little then it just went away with everyone elses. so i headed past the girls and inside and upstairs. they followed along. "hey...ana..." heather said trying to sound happy. "so, ana how was it at the hospital?" trish asked. silence...amanda just stared. i looked back from unpacking my bags, from the hospital and said, "guys i know you are trying to act happy and like nothing ever happened, but it did and yes jonah did this to me" telling them pointing at my face. "girls, could i talk to ana alone for a minute?" amanda asked in a very solmn voice. then the girls walked out. "so ana...how are you doing?" amanda asked trying to care, at least thats what i thought. "amanada, you have jonah now...what do you want from me? i dont need your sympathy...or anyone else’s..its all of yours and jonah’s fault. this wouldnt have happened if you just stayed out of his pants." i said folding some clothes. "ana, i know that your hurt, physically and emotionally, but please understand... " she was saying... "understand what?! amanda, that you slept with my boyfriend? i forgave you for that! the both of you! but your pregnant and i wont forgive you for that! what happens when we go back to school amanda? people will find out that your pregnant then rumors will start then the truth will come out!" i screamed breaking into tears. "ana?" my mom came in, sounding worried. "amanda i think you should leave" she said holding me. "mom, i just want to be alone right now okay?" i said wiping my tears from my cheeks. later that night i was sitting out by the pool getting some fresh our and thinking. i heard footsteps from behind...it was jonah! "mom!!!!" i screamed out fearfully. then he grabbed me and covered my mouth, i couldnt get lose! "ahhhhhh!!!!" i screamed, but it had a muffled sound from his arms. "shut up ana! now come on!" he said pulling me toward him to go to his jeep. then dad came out. "you bastard! get the hell away from my daughter!" he said running toward jonah wrestling me out of his arms. one last scream...jonah took one shot and pushed me into the pool and and....daddy was punching jonah! no he could get arrested. "no dad! no no no! dad stop!" i screamed trying to pull my dad off him. finally dad just got up and went inside leaving me behimd...why? "jonah, why are you doing this? i thought you loved me..." i said crying. he came over and huddled me into his arms and ran. he put me in his jeep and we sped to his house. he pulled me out and carried my all the way to his bedroom. he laid me down on the bed and kissed me. we kissed and kissed. why was i doing this? it could be a trap! i could be being used for sex then murdered for gods sake! then he pulled my shirt off and i pulled off his. what the? then i heard noises outside. what? oh no...the police! oh shitt! they were coming for jonah. i gave jonah one more kiss and told him to come with me. we snuck out the back and i heard the police break in the door. i tugged at his arm to come on but he wouldnt. i walked to him and kissed him, "jonah, we have to get out of here" iwhispered. "no ana, i cant...i love you to much to put your life in this much danger." he said out of breath from running. omg...that was the first time he said that he loved me in forever. like i said before none of this made any sense. "i love you to jonah..." i said looking at him then we kissed. we walked to the front of the house and we surrendered and they took jonah. my parents were there and the first thing my dad said was if he had hurt me in any way. i was crying in my mothers arms and i said. "daddy, i love him..."

chapter.21

dear diary,

they took jonah, and daddy forbidds me to have any contact with him. when i got back into the car, i cried until we got home, and when we did i just upstairs and didnt say a word to my parents the rest of the night.i threw things and cursed. finally i cried myself to sleep. in the morning, my dad was beating on my door and i screamed "what?!" he said that him and mom needed to talk to me. i went downstairs and sat down. "ana, darling, your father and i have something to tell you." my mom said putting her hand over mine. "we’re all moving ana, its only for the best." my dad said. see earlier i wanted to move but now, i didnt. i didnt say anything i just ran back upstairs. oh and i bet your wondering about dylan right? well he left the night everyone found out amanda was pregnant. he didnt even know that jonah had hit me or anything else. yeah well, i got a text from him earlier, then i texted him the whole story. it took awhile and it would have been easier to call, but i didnt want to talk to anyone. so then his final reply was "come see me" i stared at the text. i needed to figure out who i was really in love with. was it dylan or jonah? i would have to take a bus to get to where he was, then meet him at the place he was staying. i thought about it for awhile and then i decided that i wanted to go. i called heather, well texted her and told her. i needed some clothes for the trip, but this time i wasnt joy shopping. i took a long hot shower, thinking about dylan and jonah. after i got out, i put on my make-up and blow-dried my hair, then straightened it. i wore a red tank top with american eagle jeans, it was rainy today. heather pulled up and i grabbed my purse and got into the car, not saying anything to my parents. when we got to the mall, i bought a months worth of clothes, jewlery, and shoes. mostly outfits though. i was hungary, so me and heather decided to get a pretzel. when we went over to the stand, there stood amanda. oh god..."oh hey heather!" she said obviously not noticing me. "oh hey amanda..." i said quietly. she stared at me. "so why are you buying so many things ana? its hardly like you need it." she said sipping a slushie. her pregnancy was definatley showing. "its really none of your buisness, amanda.." i said quietly again. i looked like i was in fear. "amanada, jonah is in jail..." heather said. "he loves ana, not you, you dont know what happened last night." she said again. "oh did the little slut strike again?" she asked. then i slowly said..."amanda, call me what you wish, but i didnt have sex with jonah, he said he loved me..." i said still staring straight at the ground. she said that was lovely and started sobbing and walked away. next after the mall, i went to get a bus ticket. yeah yeah yeah, okay so i bought one and then we headed back to my house. my mom and dad asked where had i been, but i just walked past them and headed up to my room. i pulled out my suit-cases and started packing. heather asked if i was going to be okay and right before i answered her, i got a text from dylan. "ana, i want you too know that i love you and i hope you have a good trip." i smiled and then told her that i was going to be fine. that night heather stayed and about three in the morning it was time to leave. i pulled on some clothes and brushed my hair. i left a note but not saying where i went or how i got there. heather swore she would never tell. i grabbed my bags and purse and we quietly left. heather dropped me off at the bus station about 3:45am and i told her thank you and hugged her, then waited in line. when i was on the bus, i laid my bags down beside me and laid down to get some sleep, but i couldnt sleep so i just listened to my i-pod. it was almost six in the morning so i decided to get some sleep. when i woke up it was 11am, so i decided to check my schedule to see what time i would be getting to where dylan was. it said that we would be at that stop around 7:35pm. so it wasnt that bad. i called heather and asked her how everything was there, she said that my parents were very worried and furious, so i decided to call them and leave a message. here’s what i said, "mom, dad im going to see someone, i will be back whenever, dont worry about me." then i went back to sleep for awhile longer. when i woke up this time it was 5:37pm. i turned on my i-pod and looked out the window and smiled. then i closed my eyes and felt the cool breeze on my face. i was happy that i was going to see dylan. finally it was my stop. i got off and walked a couple of blocks with my bags until i seen this big white house and knew that it was his. he seen me and smiled and i dropped my bags and ran to him. when i got to him, i wrapped my arms around him and kissed him! i mean we happily made-out. he picked me up and carried me inside and then went and got my bags. before i could say anything he laid me down on the couch and we made-out for a little while. i smiled and we kissed some more. after a little while we got up and he grabbed some drinks and made popcorn. we watched a movie snuggled up on the couch. afterwards, i took his hand and told him lets go. i smiled and then we headed to the bedroom.


chapter 22

dear diary,

i didnt sleep with dylan. no, im not becoming a whore, no matter what everyone else says, i’ve only had sex twice! me and dylan just snuggled and kissed. we actually thought about making love, but we both thought it would be best if we thought about our actions first this time. so you must be wondering how i could say i love jonah, then dylan. its complicated and i havent been in this situation myself before. i really am starting to fall in love with dylan. what about jonah? i dont know. i love him and all but...? like i’ve said a million times before, i dont understand any of this. i honestly need to choose, before i lose the both of them. well, im heading back home, and its only been four days. my parents are going to kill me, but somedays i think i would rather be dead. so i only have a few more hours with dylan. we listened to music and i cried, and cried in his arms. why was i crying? who would have known that it was because i had to leave dylan! wow these feelings for him were strong. so anyways im skipping ahead to my house. as i walked through the door, my mom came in and hugged me. i smiled at her and we talked. i seen that they had been packing, because there were boxes everywhere. i slowly walked up the steps, and when i got to my room, there were boxes everywhere too. they wasnt anything in them, though. i walked back downstairs and asked mom about jonah. she said that she got a call from the police department, and said that he would be on parol in about a month. i could go visit him if i wanted to. since i had just came home from dylan, i decided that i was going to take a break, and clear my mind. i went out by the pool and swam around for awhile, and when i got out, i put clothes on and said that i was going to see dylan. i figured it would be better now, because i might be gone when he is out on parol. when i got to the department, the man showed me to him. he opened the bars, and i ran in and hugged jonah. i didnt let go. i couldnt figure out who i was destined to be with anymore, so i looked at him and told him to let me go. we just stared at each other. i told him when he was out of here, to go be with amanda, and his baby. he took my hand and held it up, and said..."ana, i may have a child, but that doesnt mean im in love with amanda, i love you and only you. cant you remember all the times we have shared together? doesnt that mean anything to you?" he said looking at me. "jonah, it isnt fair...you have a baby, you need to support it... and amanda... jonah, ....i..i..i.." i couldnt tell him, i couldnt tell him that i cheated on him, i just....couldnt. "ana, i love you and thats what matters, lets break old ties, and for the third time..." (oh no...) "will you ana, be my wife?" he asked. "no! no! dont you get it jonah?! i cheated on you! i have been with dylan behind your back! you dont deserve me!" i screamed crying and hitting the bars. there. i said. it. i told jonah the truth. he came up behind me and turned me around. "ana, this may be hard for you to understand this, but love takes turns and i forgive you, for everything...i want to share the rest of my life with you." he said hugging me. "no...no...i just cant, you said that we were through, you said that you hated me...for gods sake jonah you hit me!" i said, still crying. "ana, i made a mistake! why cant you see that i love you?! why cant you see that i want to be with you?!" he said. here is the part that wasnt pretty. "jonah, you say that you love me, and you forgive me, but have you thought that maybe i dont love you?" i said starting to cry again. "but...ana...i, though--t...a..na?" he started to cry. "jonah, okay i do love you but i dont know who to choose, or anything, i havent thought about any of this yet... you and dylan will just have to give me time." i said walking out and looking back. he reached out for my hand and we kissed. "times up..." the prison guard said closing the bars. holding hands, through the bars and with one last kiss, i realized that these bars were between us, separating us, but were our hearts separating? or were they becoming closer? as he let go of my hand, i said "jonah, i choose you, i love you, i am engadged to you" i said trying to smile, but tears filled my eyes. he smiled and i left. what am i doing? i texted dylan when i got outside and told him, no reply...again i texted, no reply...what have i done?


chapter 23

dear diary,

you wont believe this, but i am at dylans house again, but this time not for visiting. "dylan, what we had was wonderful, but its time to leave it in the past." i said trying not to cry. "ana! he hit you, he treated you with disrespect! you dont do that to people you love! ana i would never hurt you like he did!" dylan said, very angry and sad. i didnt say anything, was he right? "my brother, loved you ana, but he hurt you! physically and emotionally, he had sex with amanda the night we were at the beach, i know that you were with me, but you didnt sleep with me!" i started crying, honestly what have i done? i needed to see jonah again, to actually see if i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. the harder i cried, the more i wanted dylan. he stormed off upstairs. i just laid down on the couch crying, yeah i needed to see jonah. i just left him. i didnt say bye or anything, i called heather to come get me, so i could visit jonah, it had been a week since i had seen him. on the way there i thought and thought. i had to decide on something. when i got there, the big guard man took me to jonah. he smiled at me and reached out for my hand. i backed away and then the smile went away. "jonah, i dont know if i can do this...you cant just do everything you did to me, and then just want to get married." i said quietly. "ana, its over now, its not going happen again." he said trying to hold my hand, but i just backed away more. "jonah, i loved you, i know that i cheated on you, but you did worse things...i still have that scared in my heart...and i always will." i said with my eyes stinging with tears. "ana, did dylan send you down here?" "no he didnt jonah! i came here to tell you how i feel! i can think for myself!" i screamed. "whats going on with you ana?" "jonah, you have a baby on the way, you have hurt me, your in jail! i just dont think i can do this...its over, i just dont love you like i used to jonah." i said walking straight out and he didnt even say anything. i headed back to my house, and when i walked in dad looked at me. "where have you been?" he asked. "i went to see jonah daddy." i said walking toward my room, then he grabbed my arm so tightly. "listen here ana! you are not to see that boy! you her?!" he said angrily. "dad i went to tell him that i didnt want to see him!!!" i yelled, crying and running to my room. i took a shower and did my make-up. i blow dried my hair, then straightened it, and then painted my nails black. i wasnt going goth or emo, i just wanted to paint them. i slipped on a black concert t-shirt, plopped down on my bed and starting reading a book. i watched many movies, and read a three-hundred page book, and wouldnt come out of my room for five days. i did take showers though, and ate food. i had so many un read messages on my phone, and many un-answered phonecallls, i figured my friends thought that i had died, i read my messages, here they are:
from heather:ana, i've called lots, whats wrong?
from trish:hey girlie we haven't talked in awhile...anything wrong?
from amanda:hey...ana...we need to talk...
from dylan:talk to me...
from dylan:come to my house...
from dylan:things are getting weird..
from dylan:jonah is getting out on parol in two days..
from dylan:please reply...
from dylan:i love you ana.
from dylan:jonah is getting out tomorrow.
from dylan:watch your back...
from dylan:i will keep you safe
from dylan:i will always love you...
from dylan:i need to see you...
"ana! come down here! we need to talk!" my mom yelled from downstairs. as i went downstairs, i seen dylan! he was holding a flower and smiling. i ran down to him, and hugged him, i didnt let go. "ana, with this flower, i would like to present a romantic evening to you " he said smiling. i smiled and kissed him. cant you just picture it? so cutee. "ana" my dad said. i turned around and blushed. "have a great time tonight" he smiled giving me a hug. i ran upstairs and got ready, i wore a tea-length dress, that was white, and had a mist of caramel layer with sparkles. i slipped on my heels and dylan took my hand. omg! there was a horse and buggy out there for us! i was so excited. as dylan got in, took my hand and helped me up. i felt like cinderella. as i got in, he wrapped his jacket around me and held me. we rode around for awhile and we happily talked and kissed. then we stopped in front of a resturant. "fine eating establishment i asume" he said smiling, and i giggled. i ordered a grilled chicken salad, with italian dressing. we had a great dinner, but then came dessert. there was a small little cake covered in chocolate, and drizzled in white chocolate, then topped with a small strawberry set in front of us, but only one. dylan took the fork and got a little peice and fed it to me. i giggled and smiled. he reached over the table and we kissed. after we finished, he took my hand, and we walked out. this time we strolled around for awhile, then we stopped in front of the biggest hotel. i knew what this ment, and i was ready to with him. we walked in holding hands, and made-out in the elevator. when we got up to the room, it had a circular shaped bed, covered in white roses spread all over it. there were candles lit everywhere. we closed the door and locked it, for privacy. then music started to play, "ana, i have a surprise for you" he said smiling. we walked out onto the balcony, and omg it was chris brown!!! he was singing "with you" "ahh!" i screamed happily! then i kissed dylan. he held me and we listened and smiled. i felt like i was on my honeymoon. after that we closed the french balcony doors, and headed inside. i smiled and told him thank you for everything. then it was time. he slowly untied the back of my dress, and smiled at me. i kissed him and removed his jacket. "i love you" i smiled telling dylan. "i love you" he said smiling back. as i removed his shirt, he looked up at me and said, "the hearts all over the world can be happy, and in-love, but none of them can feel the way i feel" he said smiling. i blushed and smiled. how happy i was. he removed my necklace, and then we kissed some more. he took a strawberry, and dipped it in chocolate and fed it to me. then it all happened. i fell into his arms and we kissed. after waking up and finding his arms around me i smiled, and then fell back asleep. when we woke up, we smiled at each other and then he took a shower. afterwards, i did. then i re-dressed and so did he. he took my hand and said "ana, after what we have shared, i would love to share more moments like this with you, will you take the honor of being my girl forever?" he said smiling and holding a huge ass diamond ring. "yes, dylan i will, because i love you and nothing could compare" i smiled while he put the ring on my finger. i smiled once more and held both of his hands, and we kissed. was this the new beginning i wished for? or was it just another plan to pull me in so far then throw me out?


chapter 24

dear diary,

school has started and this year we dont have to wear uniforms. so i am getting ready and dylan is too. yeah we're at his house. i am wearing a teal shirt, with matching plaid bermuda shorts. as i was fixing my hair, and putting in my earrings, i seen my "a" necklace that jonah got me on my sweet sixteen. i stared at it for a moment and then finished putting my make-up .. me and dylan had finished up, he came into the bathroom and kissed me. i giggled then i grabbed my purse and we headed out the door to another year of school. as we got out of his car i seen, amanda, heather, trish, and...jonah. me and dylan held hands and walked toward everyone. heather and trish smiled and amanda just looked at me. jonah came up to me and hugged me! omg was i ever surprised. i smiled and looked at him. he smiled back at me. we all went to registration desk to sign up for classes. this year we all were in 11th grade, except dylan and jonah. after i got my schedule i grabbed dylan's arm and we headed to the coffee stand. on the first day of school, everyone just stayed outside getting schedules for classes and signing up for sports and all that stuff. as me, heather, and dylan were sipping on our cappichino's i seen jonah and amanda sneak off somewhere. like that was any surprise to any of us. i told heather and dylan and we quietly followed them. they were walking to melvin hall, which was a little off of campus, yeah a highschool campus, remember it was an expensive fancy school. then we stopped. we all leaned around the wall and listened. "jonah, how are we going to do this?" amanda was saying. "amanda, dont worry, their relationship wont last to much longer" jonah said whispering. to myself i thought "what the hell were they planning." a few more words back and forth and i was just sipping my drink and listening. then something shocking was said. "amanda, im going to win ana back, just get rid of dylan" he said. then cappichino went everywhere as a sprayed it from my mouth, revealing me, heather, and dylan standing behind the wall. i took off running. "ana, ana, ana!" jonah yelled. "amanda whats your problem?" heather asked her. "that little bitch is making the father of my baby want her even more!" she said. "you do know that dylan and ana are getting married right?" she accidentlly said! "what the hell...." amanda said, as heather took off running, then dylan looked at jonah and amanda and started running too! "ana! ana!" i heard heather yelling coming over the hill to where i was. she told me what happened, and then dylan showed up, then i seen jonah running toward us. i grabbed dylan and we started kissing. by the time jonah got to us, he was out of breath and all he seen was us kissing. "ana, i love you" he said out of breath, i just kept making out with dylan. i could see pain in jonah's eyes, but there was more pain in my heart for what he had done to me. then me and dylan walked away holding hands and trish and heather followed us. we sat under a tree, eating a small lunch. we all were giggling and in the corner of my eye, i seen jonah watching us, watching me and dylan being in-love, watching me being happy, watching me just being with dylan destroyed him inside. music started to play, so everyone could have a little fun. me and dylan started dancing and then so did everyone else. then mine and jonah's song came on and he just looked at me with this terribly sad look on his face. i turned around and whispered something to trish. me and her took off to the girls restroom. "heather, jonah is going to try to ruin mine and dylans relationship!" i said with a low voice. tears ran down my face and i wiped them and we walked out, surprised i seen jonah standing there. he grabbed me and started kissing me! dylan and heather seen us and ran over to where we were. i tried pushing him off, but he was to strong! "get the hell off of her!" dylan screamed, trying to pull him away. finally he did. "i freaking hate you!" i said screaming at jonah then running off, once more crying. jonah just giggled and dylan punched him


chapter 25

dear diary,

oh god, oh god! oh my god! shit! i cant believe what is happening! damn it! oh my god, oh god, sweet jesus! im totally freaking out here! no im not pregnant, and im not dying but oh my god! what im about to tell you will shock you, okay i havent written in two weeks! yeah, during this time, i have had alot of fun with my friends, made new friends, i have been making good grades, and now im on the varsity cheerleading squad! yeah its all great, my school life, at home... i didnt mention whats been going on between me, jonah, and dylan. things are just getting a little out of control. okay, so jonah kissed me, dylan punched him and all that kind of stuff. as short as jonah's kiss was, i think i felt something! i cant believe this is all happening again, i mean i just wanted this year to be good, and as of right now, i feel like im the main character in a soap opera. about 4 days ago, dylan wasnt at school, so strangly me and jonah were friends again, so we were hanging out...yeah i know it doesnt make sense because jonah is a big asshole, but anyways, we were walking down the hall just laughing at this joke he had just told me. and he had his arm around me, well obviously people think that a blonde headed cheerleader cant have any guy friends if she has a boyfriend without being called a slut or a whore, or the royal bitch. so some girls were walking down the hall and they happened to walk past us, and one of them turned around and said..."so ana, first jonah then dylan now jonah again? wow i guess you really are a whore" she said being all preppy and what not. gina, my newest friend, came up behind me and whispered something in my ear. i gasped in this preppy way, and walked off with her. man, i was becoming a royal bitch, but not a whore. yeah that was four days ago, so imagine whats happened now! the next morning i was at my locker, i was there pretty early so i dont think anyone heard me, so i guess they thought they were alone. so i hear dylan talking to someone, which turns out to be amanda! so once again, i was being sneaky and was eaves dropping. "haha, so what are you doing this weekend?" amanda said giggling. "aha, nothing planned yet, what about you? did you want to do something?" he asked. my eyes grew big and i squinted my eyes and walked around to them. "amanda you bitch! stay the hell away from him! omg, you got jonah to get you pregnant, so stay away from dylan, because he is not going to be the replacement father." i said. dylan grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the lockers, "ana, whats up with you?" he asked. "whats up with me? omg dylan! you know i hate her and you know why! so whats up with you? what, are you sleeping with her now dylan? i wasnt enough for you was i?" i said jerking away and storming off. during class, i was taking notes and drawing "i ♥ dylan" all over my notebook. dylan looked over and smiled, i smiled back. after class getting ready to go to lunch, dylan came over to me and we started kissing me. "so ana! could i borrow some of your notes?" gina asked, interrupting on purpose. i said yeah, gave them to her and continued kissing dylan. "baby, we need to start making wedding plans" he said whispering, as i took a bite of salad. "yeah, i know, where would you like to have it?" i asked him smiling. "im not sure yet, but wherever it will be, it will be great" he said smiling, leaning over the lunch table giving me a kiss. i blushed and smiled. okay, so the rest of that day went pretty well, then just yesterday all the worst things happened. everyone was outside, because on occasional fridays we can skip a class, without making up the work. me, heather, trish and dylan were all talking. then out of the corner of my eye, i seen amanda, jonah, and...gina! oh no, i said among myself. then gina and amanda start walking toward us. "so ana, have you and dylan planned a honeymoon yet?" they asked. oh no, they knew. then jonah came over and said "what? they arent getting married! dylan just gave her a ring so what" he said, trying to make it sound like he didnt know. tears filled my eyes, and dylan looked at me and put his arm around me. everyone was silent...then i broke the silence. "so amanda, when is your baby due? is jonah still the father?" i said as loud as i could. everyone else that was around started staring. amanda and gina walked off, so i knew that i could forget about gina being my friend. anyways...jonah looks at me and says "ana, the day that dylan wasnt here, you said our kiss meant something" he said, then shook his head and walked off. obviously dylan didnt hear that, thank god or did he? things were going up and down again.

chapter.26

dear diary,

i have done something to help me. okay let me explain. i have been having problems with jonah and dylan, i have been having sex to soon, for my age it isnt healthy. i have finally persuaded my ass to believe that. i have been kind of feeling like i have gone in some kind of depression with everything that has been going on. so just a few days ago, i talked to my parents, then my friends and dylan. my parents talked to the school. so i have thought about this for awhile now, and i made up my mind. monday, i checked my self into an institution. no not a mental institution either. its called "young teens health recovery" its for teens that have problems and need to get away. they make you wear a pair of comfortable jeans and nothing but a white t-shirt. people are allowed to visit once a month, but i made it possible for only me that my parents visit, because i wanted to get away from everyone else, not for them to come visit me, that was the whole point anyways. so they let me take only a few things of my own. my toothbrush, hairbrush, fuzzy socks, and you, my diary. yeah, they let me bring my own underwear and bra's. my room makes me feel like i am in a mental institution because it has white walls, and a white bed with white sheets and pillows. to overcome it all, i feel relaxed when i need to be. there is another girl in my room too, her name is jenny. i dont really know her, just her name. so im going to go to sleep, because its time for lights off. i will write more when i wake up.
good morning, its 5am and im the only one awake, because we are supposed to wake up at 6am, so i am an hour early. i just wanted a little time to myself before i actually had to get up. to pass some time, let me tell you about jenny. she has shoulder length brown hair and hazel eyes, she is a little skinny, but not severly skinny, i actually talked to her a little before we had to go to sleep. she said she was 16, too. she didnt say anything about or why she was here, hey its her own personal buisness right? and the hospitals, but thats not the point. oh, well im going to catch a little more sleep, once more i will write when i awake once more.
goodmorning once more. i already took my shower and dressed. as of right now, jenny is taking a shower. when she woke up this morning i seen scratches and bruises all over her legs, then i seen scars on her arms, so i was meant to believe that could be a reason she was here. after she got out of the shower she was sitting on the bed brushing her hair.
"jenny?"
"yes?"
"i know this may seem a little personal, but why are you here?"
"i knew someone would ask me that sooner or later...the truth is my mom has this new boyfriend and i liked him at first. then he started "flirting" with me and i didnt like it so i confronted him about it. so he didnt like that and started beating me. i couldnt get the courage to tell my mom so i started cutting myself'"
"jenny im so sorry that you had to go through that."
"ana, its not your fault, some things in life are just difficult."
after we were finished talking, dr.davis came in and told us it was time for breakfast. as we were escorted to breakfast by him, i seen many teens that were beaten so badly it was hard to look at them. then there were teens that were so skinny that a size small shirt on them looked like it was an xxxl. it was so pitiful and sad to see them like that. when we arrived at the breakfast hall, there was a bowl of plain, steamy oatmeal sitting in front of me, along with an apple and a carton of milk. i scooted a chair out and set down along with jenny. i took a bite of my apple and looked around. some people were fighting against there doctors and nurses to eat. some were making themselves throwup after eating if their doctor or nurse was distracted. i sipped my milk and looked over at another table. there sat this cute guy. i smiled and turned back around. what was i thinking? i was supposed to be with dylan, not admiring cute guys, this wasnt the place nor the time. i looked at jenny and then took another bite of my apple and started eating my oatmeal. after breakfast, we had twenty minutes to digest and then we had to go to the gym, and participate in our daily activites. so after waiting for awhile, jenny and i headed toward the gym. walking in i seen everyone had dodge balls, so i walked over and got me one. "doctor coach" as we called him, split us into teams, then the games began. afterwards we went back to our room and relaxed. dr. davis came in and said i had a phonecall. from who? i wondered. as i got up off my bed and headed toward the nurses desk, i heard someone yelling.
"why can't i see her?!"
"sir, we have rules here."
"its not that hard to let someone see her."
"sir, i am going to have to ask you to leave."
"listen, i need to see her, please."
"no, sir, if you dont leave then i will have to call security."
"why can't i see her? give me a reason, not a fact."
"sir, what is your name?"
"my name, oh you want my name? its jonah."
i stopped listening and my eyes grew big. i took off running the other direction and hid around the corner of the wall.


chapter 27

dear diary,

i have been here for almost a month. sorry i havent written. things are just the same the days repeat themselves over and over. so i wasnt about to waist a peice of paper every day telling you the same thing. every week jonah comes and trys to see me. dylan hasnt even called and sometimes i cry, trying to make myself believe he doesnt love me. i am able to check myself out of here now, considering i have almost been here a month, when it is complete i can leave. i wanna have a life again, but with less troubles and drama. jenny has to stay here another two months though. she is doing well and so am i. oh and i forgot to mention the phonecall that happened last time i wrote. oh yeah, that was the only time dylan called, i forgot. i didnt get to recieve it though, because when i seen jonah i tried to go somewhere and hide, so i missed it. i hope everything between us is alright though. well its almost time for lights out. i can leave tomorrow, it will be a full month. i have also been doing school work here to, when i have time so i wont fail. thats all for tonight.
goodmorning, this morning i have to eat and then i can pack to leave after me and my parents sign all the papers and stuff. so as me and jenny finished getting our showers, dr.davis came in and asked me if i would like to see a visitor. i asked him who it was. he said it was jonah. oh no, they were going to let jonah in!
"ana would you like me to send him in?"
"yes...go ahead"
i was setting there in shock, not knowing what to think. when jonah entered the room i was filled with nervous excitment.
"ana..?"
"hi jonah.."
he smiled and then he came over and hugged me. we hugged and hugged.
"those damn nurses wouldnt let me see you until the last week."
he said whispering in my ear. i introduced him to jenny and then we walked to breakfast and jonah waited in our room. after breakfast it was time for our activities. i could be excused from them, so i went back to the room and me and jonah sat on the bed talking. he said something that i didnt find appealing.
"heather and trish have been flirting with dylan, just a few weeks ago...heather and dylan were caught kissing."
tears filled my eyes and i leaned over into his arms. he took his hand and lifted my chin up.
"ana, after all the hell i have caused you, i still care about you."
i hugged him some more, then we just looked at each other. you know what comes next...we kissed. slowly and meaningfully. after jonah left i laid on the bed and just thought. then about an hour later my parents arrived and filled out the paperwork. i grabbed my stuff and handed a peice of paper that had my phone number on it to jenny and told her to call me when she was able too.
driving up to my house, i looked out the window and smiled. i was happy, it felt like i had been set free. i got out of the car and went inside. when i opened my bedroom door, there sat heather, trish, and dylan. i smiled and hugged trish. dylan and heather just sat there looking at me wondering why didnt i say anything to me.
"i hate you mother fuckers"
i quietly said under my breath.
"what, ana..why?"
"shut up bitch! you have no right to talk to me!"
"ana whats going on?"
"dylan...you said you loved me, why did you have to fool around with heather?"
i sniffed, and tried to hold the tears back. it was silent for a moment.
"ana, you know i love you."
"yeah but why did you kiss heather?"
"ana, it just happened."
"asshole"
i said turned around facing the wall.
"you know what dylan? you said that you never would hurt me...you said that you werent jonah! you promised me the night we made love you would never hurt me!" i screamed as a million tears ran down my face.
"ana, its my fault i shouldnt have done what i did, i was the one that made dylan kiss me, it was just that he was talking to me about being afraid of losing you, and i tried to make him feel better, then jonah came in and seen us."
"so you werent trying to stab me in the back?"
i asked turning back around wiping the tears off my face.
"no, ana i told you i would never hurt you" dylan said, then i smiled and sat on his lap and we made out. its strange that people could be forgiven so quickly. hey, who said that i forgave anybody?


chapter 28

dear diary,

wow, geez...its like been threeee months since i have written! i know that is a long time, but for awhile there, i starting failing in school, so the deal was to come home, eat, study, shower, and then go to bed, or i would be grounded. okay so school is pretty much over now...yeah hard to believe! but its only because i havent written. okay, okay enough stalling.. i will get to my "love life" now. okay, last entry was about finding out dylan had kissed heather, so it took awhile to trust him again... so i broke it off for awhile! dont freak...we are together now, but taking a break from all this relationship drama was great. i forgave heather, and we have been hanging out the chances i get too. me and trish have been hanging out too, there for awhile we stopped, but we are hanging out now. jonah is still an asshole, but we learn to deal with him. he has a girlfriend now! yeah, it was such i relieve on me and everyone else. oh me and dylan also had a talk, lol. about that we were way to young to be getting engadged, so we are just a "couple" now. he is so sweet. sometime last week heather, trish, and dylan came up and we all watched a movie together, dylan and i held hands through the whole thing ♥ the reason i can write now is because i brought my grades up....with the help of amanda. i guess you could say thar me and her i "cool" now, but we dont hang out much because she is still pregnant...meaning to say, jonah's girlfriend might want to know that. anyways, tomorrow is my birthday. amanda's had already passed, and im not going into detail, because like i said, i havent written in awhile and im not going to take up that many of my pages of my diary. so more lovely info about tomorrow, when tomorrow comes, goodnight.
goodmorning! it officially has been a year now since jonah's so called "death" yeah remember that? anyways, my party starts at 8pm at the club....ooh i know what your thinking. i shouldnt be the one in a club, but i think i can handle it this time. so i have already eaten breakfast, so i dont guess its morning anymore is it? well it is 12pm, so i guess not. i called trish and heather, and they'll be here in about an hour. we will be going out for a little "girl time" before the party. oh oh oh! i almost forgot the most important part! i have a car now! yeah, i may be seventeen, but its my first car, now i just need to learn how to drive it. its a cherry red mustang convertable. ahh i love it. mkay, so my friends are here now! i think im going to let heather drive my car, because i wanna ride in it super bad. since its a convertable it will only hold two people, and there is three of us so, i guess we cant right now...
"bye mom, bye dad! i'll see you later"
"be careful honey, dont be late at the club!"
"alright mom! love ya guys"
mkay so my cell buzzed with a text. it was from jonah, ugh.
"hey gurl, me n' stacie will meet u at da club"
was what his text said, yeah stacie is his new girlfriend...she is a major bitch too, whoops! i didnt mention that earlier, oh well. so we drove around for awhile, then we went to get our nails done. i got mine done in glittery red tips. heather had hers done is purple shiny tips, with a little jewl on each nail. trish just had hers painted sparkly black. after hanging out for awhile, we stopped and got an iced mocha coffee, and went back to my house to get ready. i opened the door and smiled at my parents, so did trish and heather, then we headed up stairs. i had taken a shower earlier, so i grabbed my make-up bag and we headed toward the bathroom. first, straightened my hair, which i have to say, is getting pretty long. then i started putting my make-up on, along with heather and trish. afterwards, i grabbed a loose, glittery red shirt. it tied around the neck and had three strings in the back and they also tied. then i slipped on a faded, denim mini skirt, then my red glittery flats. i put in some cute small diamond earrings, then my necklace. i picked it up off of my dresser and stared in the mirror, it had been a year since jonah had given me that "a" necklace. i stood there just staring into the mirror, then trish broke the silence and asked if i was coming. i latched my necklace, and headed back to the bathroom. after we were finished getting ready, we got in the car and drove off to the club. when we got there, dylan was already there, so he opened my door and i hugged him and we stared and smiled in silence for a moment. then we all headed into the club and hugged all of my friends and we talked for awhile. then the song "shawty get loose" started playing, so me, heather, and trish jumped up and started dancing. after that song, i sat down at the bar and ordered a strawberry-kiwi water. then stacie came up to me and smiled and ordered a drink. "hey" i said. then she looked at me and then jonah.
"did you and jonah ever go out?"
"yeah why do you ask?"
"its just the vibe i was getting, and the way he acts around you"
"yeah, well he was my first love, but things got so outta control and i broke it off" i said.
she rose her eyebrows and went over to dylan? wtfff. she wrapped her arms around him and smiled. what the hell? i ignored it, because dylan was walking toward me. he gave me a quick kiss, and then a slow song started to play. held out his hand and asked "would you like to dance?" i smiled, saying sure and taking his hand. we danced and we kept smiling at each other. then jonah came over and asked if he could dance with me. dylan said sure and i smiled. so me and jonah continued dancing to what was left of the song. then stacie took pictures of us. then at the end of the song, heather was walking by us and stacie pushed her into us, and jonah accidently on me. soon the camera flashed and i was like oh no, she was going to show it to dylan and make him get the wrong idea. no way, it wasnt close to that, it was worse. about an hour later the laptop behing the bar was flashing, and it said "sluttyana.org" i jumped over the counter and clicked the link. OMG!!! stacie had the pics of me and other ones on that site, and it made me look like a pornstar. she walked over to me and so did everyone else, i looked at her and said...
"you bitch!"
everyone's mouth opened when they seen a pic of me and jonah kissing, remember when he last kissed at the hospital a few months ago? how was she doing this? why was she doing this? why was she out to get me?


chapter 29

dear diary,

its been only a few days since i last wrote. it has taken alot of thinking and trying to figure out why stacie was out to get me. about i would say a week? later, the truth came out. lets got back to that night. everyone continued to have fun, because i said not to worry about it. dylan and i searched further into the website. alot of things like some of my secrets were revealed, that wasn't what hurt me the most, though. when i seen a picture of me and jonah holding hands when we first started dating, i almost broke into tears. i missed the good times. i knew that it was god's intention for me and dylan to be together now, so i understood. i read the caption underneath the picture. here is what it said. "two young lovers, to them they mean everything to each other, not knowing that their love was slowly turning into ruins." i turned my head and laid it on dylan's shoulder. everything that me and jonah had went through was racing through my mind. i still loved jonah, but not like i used too. i was with dylan now. dylan tilted my chin up and smiled and said...
"don't worry about this, it will all blow over soon."
i only tried to smile and enjoy the rest of my party. he leaned in to kiss me, but i pulled away. for so long i have ran away from my problems, and now, they are all catching up to me. a song came on and dylan asked me if i would like to dance. when we got up and started dancing, i seen jonah and stacie dancing. our eyes connected and i looked away. something was up, and i was about to find out. a few days passed and i and everyone else continued living our lives, until stacie and jonah payed me a visit at heathers house. me and heather were up in her room talking and laughing. someone knocked on the door and i answered it. surprisingly, it was jonah. i smiled and told him to come in. then behind him, was stacie. at that time heather came downstairs and said that she wasn't welcomed here. she came in anyways. they both sat down on the couch and i asked them why they were here.
"ana, we have something to tell you." stacie said. i really thought that she was going to say she was pregnant or something. afterwards i wished she would have.
"ana, stacie isn't my girlfriend...i hired her...i hired her to try and help me get you back. she created the website to make you feel something for me. seeing those pictures might have made you crack and come back to me." at that time stacie was leaving and i looked at jonah in disgust. i smacked the hell out of him and started crying. he tried to hold me, but i pushed him off, got up and ran upstairs yelling "i hate you! i hate you! so much! you worthless peice of shit! why would i take you back after this!?" i continued running up the stairs and i bumped into heather. i told everyone what had happened, so they all pretty much didn't like jonah, and oh boy, dylan sure didn't like him. i knew somewhere in my heart that i would forgive him soon, and that's what happened. listen. a few days passed and the last day of school finally came along. i signed yearbooks and had alot of fun. me, dylan, heather, and trish had planned a trip again. not the same one as last year. hell no. i was up in my room packing, and someone knocked on my door. i turned around and it was jonah. i asked him what he wanted and then he took my hand and we went out onto the balcony. the wind was blowing and he took my hands and held them. "ana, i love you and i always will, please understand that." he said. i slowly leaned toward him and kissed him, and said "i loved you too jonah....i did in the past, its the future now and i have moved on." i said smiling and walking back inside. i was proud that i told him that, now my life could really begin without all this drama.


chapter 30

dear diary,

i haven't written in the last few days because i have been pretty busy, with planning for the summer and stuff. about three days ago, we decided where we were going for the summer. we decided to go down to beverly hills, california. i can finally drive, so dylan and i took my new car, awesome i know. i also have a new hairstyle. its blonde, with really dark brown highlights through it, and i got it cut to shoulder length. we, by "we" i mean, me, dylan, heather, trish, and jonah, started packing two days ago. me and heather had been going to the tanning bed so we wouldn't look like noobs in california. anyways, that was random. i haven't told dylan about jonah remember the last entry? umm, yeah well much more has happened. we all got here two nights ago. everyone was unpacking and fixing up the beach house. i went around to the garage to park and see the view. jonah came around looking for dylan, i don't know why, though. anyways, i got out of my car and he asked me if i has seen dylan. i told him that he had just went around to the front. he smiled and said thanks. okay so that went smoothly i thought. i went around to the front and walked over to heather and trish. we decided that we were all going out to eat for tonight. after we got settled and after some of us changed, including me, we left. we were going to eat at this chinese place in beverly hills, and then go riding around. we all took heathers car, so we all could go in one vehicle. when we got to the place we all sat down and ordered our food. i ordered sushi, and i sweet tea. everyone else ordered either something that had to do with chicken, or sushi. after eating, we talked for awhile and then we were getting ready to ride around. i realized i forgot my purse, which had my camera phone in it and i wanted to take pictures. getting up from the table, i said that i was going to run back to the beach house and get it. dylan said that he would accompanie me, but i told him no because we would get caught up kissing and then forget about everyone and they would be left stranded at chinese palace. so since it didn't take long to get back to the beach house, they would wait. then jonah offered to go, and i said sure, gave dylan a kiss and said not to worry. when we drove up to the house, i jumped out of the car and ran inside, i also went to the bathroom. haha. then locking the door and turning around i said "shit!" because that's what jonah scared outta me. he had obviously snuck up to the porch. we started talking and i said that we better go, before everyone started worrying about us. i started walking toward the car and jonah slightly grabbed my hand, and said that my hair looked sexy. i smiled and said thanks, and then opened the car door and we got in. before i got a chance to pull out, jonah grabbed me and we started kissing. i got out of the car and started walking down to the road. he came down to where i was and asked what was wrong. i slapped him and told him that i was through with all this drama, and that i wasn't going to lose dylan. i told him to back the hell off, or i would make sure that his trip was a living hell. he asked me if that was a threat and i got a little scared because he seemed angry. "son of a bitch!" i screamed. "don't even think about hitting me! don't think about trying to be with me!" i screamed again, and then broke into tears. he said that he wasn't going to hit me, but he didn't say anything about trying to get me back. i calmed down and gave him a hug and we walked back up to the beach house. i pulled out my cell phone and called trish and no answer. i left a message saying we were on our way. i figured she had her cell turned off. jonah looked at me and we smiled for a moment. then slowly leaned in to kiss, and we kissed.
"whoa! what the shit?!"
i backed off jonah for a minute and seen trish standing there! she said that she was trying to get me on my cell but, she realized that i had taken her cell, so while the 20 minutes we were gone, she had walked back to get us. she also said to leave her out of my new fling with jonah. oh noooo, it was not going to be a fling. i love dylan, not jonah. so we all drove back to the resterant and then back to the beach house and into the bed we went.
okay, so as you know that was yesterday, and now its today. yesterday's tomorrow is today. anyways, this morning we were going to go riding around since we didn't last night and because it was dark and we couldn't see anything. i got out of the shower and fixed my hair. (i was wearing my bathing suit underneath it) i put on a pink juicy couture tank top on with a denim mini skirt and matching pink flats, and put in small pearl earrings. we all headed out and after about two hours of site-seeing, we decided to go take a boat ride. me and heather drove and got an iced-coffee and then went down to the docks. we all got onto the boat and me and dylan got into a different boat, a speed boat. we took off and boy was it awesome! we stopped after about 15 minutes of speed and just went normal speed to catch our breathe. i decided to tell him about what i had done with jonah. we understood and wasn't mad! he said that this time i was honest, and he accepted that. i smiled and we kissed, then took off again. everyone else was sitting on the edge of the dock when we got back around sunset. we were giggling and dripping wet with water from being splashed. dylan quietly went over to jonah and told him to keep his hands off me and that i didn't appreciate it.
"so what man she can't speak for herself?" jonah said.
"everytime she tries to defend herself you either comfort her until she kisses you or you hit her! i suggest you back off or we will have charges pressed. man, she still has the bruises from it!" dylan said.
"you didn't have to open your big mouth ana! you do have a right to a private life you know." jonah said.
"i know i do! i don't want it to be with you jonah! i don't love you anymore, why can't you understand that?" i asked.
he come running at dylan and tried to punch him. then he screamed,
"the reason i don't have her anymore is because of you! its all because of you! we were happy until you seduced her into loving you! its your fault that the woman i love doesn't love me back! i end up hitting her because i have so much anger because of what you have done! i love her dylan! why did you have to do this?!" jonah said....i could see tears in his eyes and i started to silently fall apart inside. jonah ran his hand through his hair and walked over to me and dylan.
"i hope you two have a nice life together." he said, then walked away. tears ran down my cheeks and dylan held me and kissed the top of my head. i never realized how much jonah loved me. i loved dylan now, and that was what tore jonah up the most, me loving another man. i turned around and me and dylan started kissing and jonah turned back and seen us. i seen the jealousy firing up inside his eyes, and then he came running, running up to us. i held dylan close and didn't let go. jonah seen the tears of fear running down my face so he kissed me cheek and said that he would always love me. i seen tears start going down his face too.


chapter 31

dear diary,

its been a few days since i have written because i have been controlling jonah and dylan, who have constantly been fighting over me. its so annoying that me, heather, and trish leave them at the beach house bickering while we go and tan or swim. i love dylan and all, but sometimes enough is enough. we got back a little while ago and jonah wasn't there, but dylan was. i went over to the couch.
"hey babe, where is jonah?" i asked rubbing his shoulder.
"i don't know, and i could really care less." he said.
i climbed over on his lap and started kissing him, then jonah just happened to walk through the door and tried to pull me off of him.
"what the hell jonah?!" i said.
then he just walked away with a bottle of beer in his hand. then trish and heather came up to me and whispered something in my ear. they said that tonight, i needed a break from this "boy fight" over me, so they were taking me to the cali club. one of the hottest beach clubs ever! i screached and clapped. dylan and jonah were invited only if they didn't start their crap. so i hurried along with the girls to get ready.
"what are we supposed to wear to these kind of clubs?" i asked trish, from inside the shower.
"anything cute, sexy, but not over the top." she said with a giggle at the end of her sentence.
"i would wear something beachy." heather said.
i stepped out of the shower and tied my robe around me, and grabbed a hair dryer.
"so what are you going to do about jonah and dylan?" heather asked.
"i have no clue, but if they start again, then im just...well im thinking about breaking it off until they can grow up about this." i said, looking through the closet and part of my unpacked suitcase. i picked out a cute light blue hollister tank top, with a silver shiny, small jacket thingy that didn't go any lower than below my chest, a denim hollister skirt, and matching silver flats. then i straightened my hair and then make-up, and jewlery. i went to the other bathroom to see if dylan was ready and boy, did he look sexy. i smiled while kissing him. then jonah said something under his breath. then i called him a fag under my breath, smiled, and went back to my bathroom. after about 30 more minutes, we headed out to the vehicles and onward to cali club. me and dylan were listening to the radio while driving underneath the sunset following the rest of the gang to the club. finally, we got there. the club owner didn't ask for any i.d. or anything. we smiled and went in. i looked around and smiled in aw. everything was beautiful. the bar was set up nicely, and it had the biggest dance floor i had ever seen. everyone else was dressed awesome as well. at first, a slow song started to play, and i took dylan by the hand and led him to a dancing spot. we danced and smiled, danced and smiled. soon, all the lights went off and really loud awesome rock started to blast the speakers. so as usuall, i started working my moves. haha. me and dylan made the perfect dance couple. a few songs played that i knew, and then a new one that i hadn't heard off yet, it was "lets get married" by jagged edge. very cool song. so then everyone started dancing at the same rythym and formed lines and i just followed along. then down to the floor everyone went, and we worked it back up. i was laughing and smiling. i had never been so happy with all of my friends and people that i didn't even know...in a club! the song started to come to an end, then everyone was still, and looked down. i did too? haha i didn't know what was going on and neither did, heather and trish. or dylan and jonah. "everything reminds me of her" by elliot smith, started playing. we formed into a slow dance. then during certain parts of the song, we all turned around and slow danced with the next person that was beside us. soon, i ended up with jonah. i looked away, trying to pretend it was happening. he started to sing along to the song, and it was so sweet, because it was a love song. he took me and held me. soon, at the end of the song, our dance ended with an almost kiss, but i walked away, and back to dylan. dancing to another song, i danced with dylan alot, then trish and heather. about an hour later, another slow song played and i laid my head on dylan's shoulder and looked at everyone else dancing. afterwards, i was pretty tired, so i walked over to the bar and ordered a water, and they put it in a wine glass. i sipped and watched everyone dance. trish and heather came and sat with me. i asked them what time it was and they said about 3am in the morning! ha! i was like wow. so we decided to stay one more hour and then head out. we went down to the beach and went swimming. it was totally awesome, because we were swimming in our clothes about 4:23am in the morning! we laughed, giggled and had a great time. me and dylan kissed, and kissed, and well kissed some more. we got out and dried off, and layed on the beach for awhile. a little while later we were hopelessly dragging our tired butts into bed. finally i had a great time with everyone, the first time, in a long time.

chapter. 32

dear diary,

i know its been forever since i had last written but alot of things have been going on for awhile. i know what your thinking, why could be that important. okay i will tell you the entire story. so sit back and prepare yourself. you know how i said that dylan and jonah aren't fighting over me so much? and how i had a wonderful night with everyone. everything turned around the next few days. the next morning i woke up and headed toward dylan's room to see if he was awake yet. he was but he wasn't in his bedroom. i looked around the beach house and no one was here except jonah. then it struck me, i must be dreaming, but i wasn't.
"jonah where is everyone?" i asked.
"amanda went into labor early this morning." he said.
"your the baby's father! why weren't you with her?"
"someone had to stay here and watch you." he said. what in the world was he talking about? im seventeen, i could take care of myself.
"jonah what are you talking about?" i asked.
"ana don't you see, i love you! not amanda, being there tells her that i support her and i don't! it may be my baby, but i was drunk the night everything happened!" he screamed. i knew it. right then and there. he was drunk and that's why he didn't remember anything and i thought he was lying! my eyes grew big and i ran and hugged him. if he was sober none of this would have happened! none of it! our relationship would still be going strong.
"ana let me explain this time." he said putting his hand on my shoulder as we sat down on the couch.
"i thought you were cheating on me...that's why i started drinking so much last year. so finally i was so drunk i could have done anything. then i slept with amanda. i didn't know what was going on so i just went with the flow. ana you know i still love you and i always will." he said pushing hair out my face as tears ran down my cheeks.
"we could still be together jonah if i had known this before." i said crying. soon enough i was in his arms as i cried. he lifted up my chin and we kissed. slowly, and i felt something. that sheild of fear wasn't there anymore because i knew the truth. but what about dylan i thought to myself. i loved him too, but i wouldn't be with him if i knew everything that i do now. later that evening, everyone came in and sat down.
"she miscarried." heather said. it was all quiet for a moment. jonah got up and rubbed the back of his neck. i knew that he was hurting, even if he was drunk that night, it was still his baby. "well i better get down to the hospital." he said putting on his jacket. then i blurted out, "would you like me to go with you?" i said, then shocked after what i had just said. "no baby, stay here with me." dylan whispered. i got up and went over to jonah. "is there anything that i can do?" i whispered to jonah. he nodded his head. i was going to the hospital with him. i walked back over to the couch and bent down to grab my purse, then dylan grabbed my arm. "don't go ana, i haven't seen you all day." he whispered. "dylan i have too, don't worry." i said. "did anything happen?" he asked. i felt his grip on my arm get stronger. i jerked away and went out the door with jonah. when jonah shut the door behind me i stood there. i took a deep breath and opened the door.
"jonah was drunk the night he got amanda pregnant!" i said. i seen everyones faces go into shock. dylan stood up and yelled, "so ana, is this your way of telling me that we're over?! if it is then.." i interrupted, "dylan its my way of telling everyone what he did. he may have been drunk but i was still hurt. dylan you are the best thing that has happened to me in a long time! i love you." i said. he smiled at me and walked over to me and hugged me. tears ran down my face as we hugged. i loved dylan so much. i used to love jonah, but he was my past, and dylan was my future. so the next few days were wonderful. we spent walks down the beach holding hands, watching sunsets at night while i was wearing his hoodie, and sharing lemonades at the beach. i knew that he was the one. so tonight he was taking me to peirs to talk about everything that had been going on.

chapter.33

dear diary,

the night at the peirs wasn't what i had expected it to be, but hey my life is full of things that weren't expected, so im pretty much used to it. dylan and i sat and watched the sun go down, held hands, and dangled our feet in the water. i felt like everything was so perfect, so wonderful, yet so fake. everything was silent for awhile and then he looked at me and smiled. i smiled back at him and leaned into to kiss him. after our kiss we started talking. "ana you are the love of my life and i would never want to hurt you." he said. what the hell did he mean by he "never wanted to hurt me?" i got nervous, and my stomach fell at the thought of my heart being shattered into a billion peices. my mouth grew dry and i couldn't speak. i swallowed hard and tears stung my eyes from being so nervous. "ana, i have changed since i met you. i remember the night and it was all because of jonah. you know i was worse than him at the time, but when i seen you that night, i knew that jonah was damn lucky." he said. "dylan, it's all true, but my life was a living hell the first few months you were in my life." i giggled. he stared into my eyes and laughed with me. i knew that he had changed over the years. i'd been engadged two, almost three times to jonah and dylan, so i knew that dylan had changed. "ana you are old enough to understand what love is. as much shit that you have experienced the past few years, you definatly know what love is, and i love you." "i love you to, dylan." i said. "i know i asked you before, and we weren't old enough then to understand what love was, but we were stupid enough to get engadged, but this time im crazy in love, and i am crazy in love with you, and i want it to last until the day i die." he said reaching out to hold my hand. what he had just said was a proposal to marraige. "dylan, i am crazy in love with you to...and im also crazy enough to say yes." i said. we kissed and smiled. he slipped on a delicate diamond ring on my finger and we got up and held hands as we walked back to the beach house. my fourth engadgement, i thought to myself. but i knew that this would be my last engadgement, because this time it was going to last. everyone was thrilled by the news except one person and im guessing we all know who that was, jonah, of course. he looked at me and sighed. "i guess this is your way of saying that i will never have another chance with you isn't it?" he said rubbing the back of his neck. he walked out the door and we were all silent. "i better go talk to him." i whispered to dylan. i took in a deep breath and let it out as i walked down to the beach where jonah was. "hey." i said, what else could i say? "hey." he said back, throwing clumps of sand into the water. "ana how could you do this to me?" he said. "damn it jonah! what the hell do you mean? we are over! we have been for a very long time, why can't you realize that? sure we have had our moments kissing and being alone, but we are young and stupid teenagers. i loved you once and i still do, but not the same as i used to." i said. "okay ana, i understand...i accept it...i finally have realized that we are over and we need to move on." he said. "no jonah, only you need to move on." i said. that was all that happened that night, and we all went to bed.


chapter 34

dear diary,

okay so here is where everything is about to flip. i have been thinking about everything lately and i have figured out that my life has been pretty screwed up these past few years. first of all with giving my virginity to jonah & losing amanda as my friend, cheating on jonah & falling in love with dylan, getting messed up & falling back for jonah when he was super screwed up. so to my conclusion, i have grown up. i have also concluded that jonah is still so in love with me that he would take a bullet for me. i still love him but not in the way he thinks and i've told him that and im starting to think if i had made the right choice moving on with dylan & i have figured out that's what is best for me. i love dylan and i don't want anyone or anything to change that. now after that's all said, here it is.
after waking up and realizing i was in dylan's arms, i smiled. i yawned, rolled over and woke him up with a kiss. we were planning on spending an entire day dedicted ourselves for growing up, and being engadged. i got up and hopped in the shower while heather and trish fixed breakfast. after getting out i overheard dylan and jonah talking. i rolled my eyes and sighed. i knew that it couldn't be something good, but this is what i overheard. "dylan i am in love with her and i would give my all for her." jonah said. "jonah, man i know that you love her and she was your first love, but it's time to grow up and move on, she is almost eighteen and she is moving on with her life...with me." dylan said. i swallowed hard and tears madly stung my eyes, and i couldn't help but let them go. it hurt me knowing how much jonah was in love with me and if this had been almost one and half years ago, then i would take him back, but i don't love him like that anymore. so i blow dried my hair and straightened it, put on make-up and put my clothes on. i stepped out of the bathroom and smiled at dylan. he smiled and we headed toward the kitchen together. "so guys, when are you going to have the wedding?" trish asked handing me a plate of muffins. i looked at dylan and smiled, "we're having it on july 10th." i smiled and gave him a kiss. "so who's going to cordinate this wedding?" heather asked. "im not sure, well i was thinking, you and trish could be my bride's maids and jonah could be my best man." i said taking a sip of coffee. "what about the colors?" heather asked. "white and a touch of light pink. i want it to be like this soft summery scenery." i said. "okay no more details guys, we are kind of keeping it a secret." i said giggling. i didn't want anyone to know anything yet.

it was near evening when we decided to head out together. our most romantic moments happened during the sunset so yeah something so simple can make your day when your with someone you love. we walked on the beach for about two hours and talked and held hands. it was so sweet. "ana i love you so much" he said swinging my hand back and forth. "you know i love you and i always will." i said smiling. it was getting cooler so we put his hoodie around me and we continued walking. it started getting dark and i started to hear things. "dylan lets go it's getting late" i whispered to him. "yeah it is getting kinda strange out here" he whispered back. the noises started getting louder and my heart pounded faster, it was california you know. dylan held me close and made a fist, just in case. then all of a sudden i got a text from trish. "ana u & dylan be crful jonah said he was coming." i closed my phone and told dylan to carry me and run, run as fast as he could. it was to late... by the time he started to picke me up, jonah was walking toward us. "you can't have her dylan" he said. i could tell that he had been drinking. "jonah please dont" i said. then he came running toward dylan and where he was so screwed over he got me instead. i was wrong though, he was coming after me. he jumped on me and i fell to the ground and dylan tried to get him off of me but he just couldn't. "if you won't give me what i want, i will just take it" he said holding me down and kissing me. my heart pounded and i was short of breath where he had attacked me and i was shaky because i was scared. i knew he was drunk, super drunk, because he knows that i would hate him if he hurt me again. he pulled out a knife and slit my wrists and legs and kissed me some more. now your probably wondering where dylan was? well he was beating the hell out of jonah, but it was hurting me so he went to get the cops. he hit me alot and tried to pull my clothes off, but the police came and he got up and started running. they caught him and he was under arrest. dylan took me to the hospital and trish and heather came too. they doctered me all up and i was sent back to the beach house, we are leaving in the morning.


chapter 35

dear diary,

i know what your thinking. my wedding is in two days, and i look like hell and jonah is in jail. dylan is a mess and he is trying his best to get a restraining order against him. i don't know what's wrong with jonah anymore, i mean he used to be this sweet person and then he turned into a bad person. i bet most of it was because of me, because i fell in love with screwed up dylan, at the time. im always going for the screwed up kinda guys, but not anymore. it's strange, jonah turned into bad like dylan was, and dylan turned into good like jonah was. im honestly afraid of jonah now, so i don't know what's going to happen. i will have to face him in court though. right now he is in the california jail. we all came back super early this morning, and everyone stayed at my house. my mom and dad were worried to death and wanted me to stay with them and not leave the house until they were for sure that jonah was going to stay in jail. i decided to get a counselor so i could get some help with this mess. i think jonah needs help in a mental institute. dylan doesn't want to have the wedding until i feel able and wanting to have it myself. okay so blah my life is so bad right now. it's all because of jonah and i have figured out that since i won't leave dylan and go with him, he was going to make my life a living hell.
"ana, are you feeling okay?" dylan asked me while rubbing my shoulders.
"how could i feel good, my life is hell right now." i told him.
he got up and came around to me. he placed his hands on my face and softly kissed me. that was the most joyful feeling in the world, when your in my posistion.
"dylan, i still want to have the wedding july 10th, no other day." i said smiling. he smiled and he kissed me again and went to get me some water. then the phone started ringing. i answered it and it was jonah.
"what in the hell do you want!?" i asked.
"ana, im really sorry about everything...i know that i am screwed up and i don't even remember what happened." he said.
"you really messed it up this time jonah and this time is the last time. do you really wanna know what you did? well you attacked me, beat me, cut me, and tried to rape me!" i screamed into the phone.
"i love you." he said.
"you asshole you can't actually love me and still do what you did. there is no excuse this time jonah, im getting a restraining order against you."
"please ana don't, give me another chance." he asked.
"there is no way on this god given earth that i will ever give you another chance jonah, you are so freaking screwed up! damn, you need some help!" i said.
"i know, and i will get it."
"when jonah? you are probably going to jail for awhile."
"ana, you are the only one that can get me out..." he asked. i was stunned at what he had just asked me.
"no way in hell, the only time i have to absolutley see you is in court and hopefully it will be the last!" i screamed, hanging up the phone.
dylan walked in and asked who i was talking too. i told him it was jonah, and i told him everything that we had talked about.
"ana i don't want you to have any contact with him." he told me.
"i know dylan, i know." that's all i coud say.
he put his ams around me and we cuddeled, it felt nice. we both fell asleep and woke up to the sound of amanda's voice. oh no...amanda!? i heard her coming up the stairs so we got up and waited.
"ana, it's been awhile hasn't it? so i heard what jonah did to you." she said.
"oh amanda, i know you want him so why don't you take him?" i asked.
"i know he has hurt you, but he loves you so much and he gets so screwed up, trying to deal with not having you." amanda said.
"how would you know this, amanda?" i asked her.
"because he has been to my house multiple times drunk and high and depressed, and he talks about why and the reason was you." she said.
"okay, amanda what's your point?" i asked.
"give him another chance, for your own good." she said.
"is that a threat, amanada?" dylan asked, interupting.
"it's a suggestion." she said, getting up and leaving.
i asked dylan how are we going to take care of everything and he said that after we got married, we were moving, together.



Inbetween--Chpt.36--Finale!

dear diary,

okay so this is me the brand new newly wed, ana garretson! i know that i haven't written in way over a month, but this was my last page in my diary and i needed to save it. dylan and i wed on july 20th instead of the 10th because of my incident. the wedding was wonderful, everone had a great time, especially me and dylan. jonah was there, too. yes, because i bailed him out. i knew that it was the most stupid thing ever, but a part of me couldn't get married without him there to see it, to prove it to him. one thing that no one knows is that me and jonah kissed at my wedding. okay, i know what you're thinking, but no. it was before the wedding was getting ready to begin. i was in the back putting on my jewlery and i heard someone knock on the door. it was jonah. i ignored his comment he made me about being beautiful. but here's what happened.
"ana, you're beautiful, dylan is lucky." he said.
"thank you, i am lucky to have him."
"you always will know that i love you."
"jonah, you're never going to get over me are you?" i asked him, placing his hands into mine.
"you were the best thing that ever happened to me ana."
i smiled and his eyes connected with mine. i placed my hand on his jaw and we kissed. it was our closure, for good. for that one good minute, i didn't feel anything for him except my past.
"i love you." he said as he held me close.
"jonah, a part of me will always love you, no matter what."
i heard people outside talking and laughing, then i heard dylans voice. that was when my heart pounded and i had butterflies just like when i first fell in love. it was like falling in love all over again. i stepped out of the room with jonah and we went our seperate ways, in the church and in life. it was about time for the wedding to start and everyone was being seated. then the wedding bells sang. i walked out and it struck everyone, all eyes were on me. i seen tears in dylans eyes and i glanced at jonah. he smiled and whispered "go on." that was when i had the most confidence in me. it was because jonah made it clear that he had let go, and that was the best thing. tears swelled up in my eyes and a shaky, happy smiled glued itself to my face as i walked down the aisle. after saying our vows, we were announced as mr. & mrs. garretson. our honeymoon was wonderful and did i mention that i was pregnant!? yep, with two twins, one boy and one girl. whose names will be madison cheyenne, and jonah adam. shocked that i will be naming my baby boy jonah? some people were. everything was great, everything was almost perfect. that was the story of my life as ana.
the end to this diary.



Thank you everyone that read this story and I'm glad you enjoyed "Inbetween." You have my permission to print it out and keep it as a book if you want.- from Starglow thanks a lot for reading i know that she will love you guys for reading